Roots and Wings...

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!! I hope this holiday season finds everyone filled with lots of Christmas spirit and joy.

We are doing great. Really. Life is rolling on, way too fast! Here's what we've been up to this fall/winter:

The girls still LOVE their school.
Grace is learning to read and doing so well! She is such a hard-worker and I am SO proud of her!
Lilly is doing great in school, but is more concerned with her social life inside the school walls than academics:)
Connor adores his sweet teachers and is excited every day to go. He's a very popular dude there. Every time he joins me to the grocery store I hear little ones yelling from other shopping carts, "That's Connor! He goes to my school!".
All 3 are growing entirely too fast. Seriously. Grace especially. I'm thinking of making her sleep sitting up with books stacked on her head! It is already evident that I will be the shortest member of this family!
My job is going great. I love teaching and getting to know my students. I have 95 6th, 7th, and 8th graders that I teach Reading skills to every day. It's a rewarding job.
I'm still getting used to being a working mom. It's hard having to miss things at their schools that I never had to miss before.
I value my time with my kiddos SO much more. That's why this blog has been pushed to the side. I need to spend my time with them...or sleeping:)
It is priceless living so close to my family. My children couldn't be any closer to all of them. They love them so much and have such special relationships with all of them. The saying, "It takes a village" is so true.
This is the first Christmas in 12 years that we won't be traveling anywhere!!! YAHOO!!!! We get to wake up and play with Santa's gifts. Be lazy. And then drive a whopping 15 min to visit the family. Sounds silly, but it will be so nice!

2011-10-25T19:29:00.001-07:00

My "Babysitter"

2011-10-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how much we ALL love this dog. Bezo is so patient, tolerant, and loving to the kids.

If I get a killer migraine, he senses it...and wants to be right beside me. I think he is just wanting to help me feel better.

He is such a sport when it comes to them dressing him up:)

And not to mention, a very handsome boy!

Hard to believe that I rescued him from a pound, with his front right leg so mangled he had NO use of it. He's been through 3 major surgeries and came so close to amputating it on numerous occasions. He had been discarded like trash...and he is part of my family. Unfortunately, our society has demonized his breed, and in turn they are treated in the worst way. I don't know when America will wake up and realize that it is NOT the breed...it is the PEOPLE that beat, abuse, neglect, and starve these dogs to death. Bezo could have been one of them, and that breaks my heart. So please, take a minute to read this short article below. Open your mind to a new way of thinking, and the possibility of learning something you probably didn't know.

FOR OVER ONE HUNDRED YEARS AMERICANS KNEW PIT BULLS FOR WHAT THEY DID BEST. BABYSITTING.

Posted on May 4, 2011 by YWGROSSMAN

Astoundingly, for most of our history America’s nickname for Pit Bulls was “The Nanny Dog”. For generations if you had children and wanted to keep them safe you wanted a pit bull, the dog that was the most reliable of any breed with children or adults.

The Nanny Dog is now vilified by a media that always wants a demon dog breed to frighten people and LHASA-APSO BITES MAN just doesn’t sell papers. Before pit bulls it was Rottweilers, before Rottweilers it was Dobermans, and before them German Shepherds. Each breed in it’s order were deemed too vicious and unpredictable to be around people. Each time people wanted laws to ban them. It is breathtakingly ironic that the spotlight has turned on the breed once the symbol of our country and our national babysitter.

In temperance tests (the equivalent of how many times your kid can poke your dog in the eye before he bites him) of all breeds the most tolerant was the Golden Retriever. The second most tolerant was the pit bull.

Pit Bull’s jaws do not lock, they do not have the most powerful bite among dogs (German Shepherds have that honor) they are naturally neither human or animal aggressive (in fact pit bull puppies prefer human company to their mother’s two weeks before all other dogs), and they feel as much pain as any other breed (accidentally step on one’s toe and you’ll see).

The most tolerant, patient, gentle breed of dogs is now embarrassingly portrayed as the most dangerous. It would be funny if the new reputation did not mean 6,000 are put to death every day, by far the highest number of any other breed euthanized.

That’s a lot of babysitters.

(Pictured: As you’ll see, from the richest to the poorest and everything in between, in America the pit bull was the dog for kids.)

Playing Catch Up

2011-09-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

(This was us shoe shopping befoe school started this summer. I seriously felt sorry for the salesman by the time we were done. I practically made a camp in the corner and had staked my claim that I was NOT leaving without new shoes for all 3 of them! Why??? Because there was no way I wanted to take them shoe shopping again for a long, long time! Not fun people.)

I have to be the world's worst blogger now...and I'm sure you've all given up on me ever posting again! I can't believe I've let a month go by, but as I said in my post last time-my life is just crazy busy right now! But, we are hanging in there and still alive:)

Work for me is going really well. After 5 weeks I'm now finally settling into a groove. I love my students and am having fun interacting with my middle-schoolers. It is definitely an interesting age! Being a working mom though is something I have NOT gotten the hang of yet. And I honestly doubt I ever will. It's just freaking hard. There's no "nicer" way to put it! I get up at 5:15 every morning to start our day...Get the 4 of us fed, dressed, packed-up and ready for school. Then I have to make two different stops before I have to be at work by 7:30...work all day...pick up kids between 3:30-4:30...then get home to spend some quality 'down time', fix dinner, do baths, Grace's homework, bedtime. Then after they are all asleep by 8-8:30 I have to clean up the kitchen and house, try to do some dreaded laundry, and I usually bring something I need to do for work home every night. And oh yea...try to sleep somewhere inbetween all of that! So you can see that I am not purposely leaving you longing for cute pix updates on Connor, Grace, and Lilly on purpose. I just can't find the time.

Despite my being so busy, life is great. I will admit that I get pretty overwhelmed at times, and certain weeks are harder than others when I feel like I just can't get caught up on things (this week is one of those!), but overall things are really good. The kids are healthy and very happy. So what more can I ask than that? Connor is talking up a storm now. His sisters are officially named "Gace and Diddy" to him, and he is very verbal about what he does and does not want! He's my little linebacker...solid as a rock and still 'a bull in a china cabinet' everywhere he goes! He's still jumping of the couch and doing any dangerous boy-thing he can get his hands on. He's also still the sweetest boy you'll ever meet. He's a huge flirt with the ladies and loves to play hard-to-get so I have to beg him for a kiss. He tells me "I wuv you" all the time and is always hugging on his sisters. He loves school and his teachers adore him. We've been so blessed with the church preschool he goes to. I have a feeling the women there will be a part of our lives for a very long time now. The girls love their school and are very comfortable and confident there already. They are growing like weeds (especially Grace) and are just happy little girls. Still play so well together...still sweet as sugar:)

Before I catch you up on the pictures below, I'll tell you a quick, sweet story about my Grace to warm your heart.

About two weeks ago we had spent a great night with their new, little best friend here, and her whole family for her birthday. The kids played in the sprinkler outside, we had an awesome dinner and cupcakes, and wonderful company. When we got in the car to go home the kids were beat. It was immediately quiet and I assumed all 3 had passed out within minutes. Then Grace spoke up from the backseat and said,

"Mama, I've been thinking about something. I'm so glad we moved here because I love my new school and our new house and my new friends...and I get to see Mimi and Gigi and Uncle Paul...(this list went on for awhile). I feel like I'm gonna cry, but don't worry Mama. They're happy tears. My heart is so happy."

This was all I needed to hear. No matter how tired or stressed-out I get, all that matters is that my babies are happy. Money worries, lack of sleep, and my longing for my once very organized, clean, picked-up house (ha!) shouldn't amount to a hill of beans! Those are all but trivial things in life. That happiness she feels in her heart is all that matters...and those are the things that last forever.

Lilly and Connor

We did a ton of swimming this summer. Here the girls are with their best friend, AC. They love her:)

Lilly loved helping me get my classroom ready this summer. She'd always grab her "teacher glasses" before we left the house. Then she'd sit on my stool with a book and 'play teacher'...and basically boss the 3 of us around!

Even Bezo helped:) And endured a little embarrasment from the kids in the process.

It's never a dull moment when Grace is around! She scared me to death when she walked in the room looking like this one day. She'd gotten into a box of band-aids and ended up looking like a weird Silence of the Lambs sequel!

I love this picture! The biggest perk of living here is being so close to my family. They get to spend a lot of time with Uncle Paul and Aunt "Jessa". Here they'd spent the day with them and they'd gotten all of these storage boxes out for them to play with. These empty boxes entertained them for hours!

They had their first sleepover with a friend (AC) this summer...and since they've had several more. It's so cute to see them growing up and having real friendships. AC is an only child so she loves coming over to our "zoo"! I'm sure she's worn out every time she leaves:)

A snapshot of my life.

2011-08-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. I really, really do. It'll go down as one of my most favorite of all time. How wonderful is this beautiful, chaotic life of mine. I'm an average mom, just trying to get a cute picture of 2 of my children. A mom whose oldest daughter thinks it's hilarious to look at me cross-eyed (I swear I tell her they'll stick), and who's son is usually a blur...speeding past every situation with his full-on active, all-boy-self.Just a mom, with three happy, healthy, crazy kids...that always make me smile with their creative imaginations and wild sense of humors.

Life has been crazy while adjusting to going back to work full time. I'm tired. Stressed. Getting us all dressed, fed, and out of the house by 7 am is hard. My insomnia is even more inconvenient now. I miss my children. I miss my friends. Not being able to sign up to help with class parties for my girls makes me sad. Did I mention I'm tired?

It's so hard right now, but these reseliant, supportive children have adjusted so well. They have only gotten upset a few times about me being gone for work. They love their new school. Lilly offers me back rubs. Grace is still so easy-going. Connor loves all of the new women that have come into his life as babysitters and mdo teachers. (I swear he doesn't meet a woman he doesn't like. I'm going to be in so much trouble with this boy!) And although it's little comfort now, I know that one day they'll know how hard I worked for them.

The time we spend together now is heavy on QUALITY, instead of quantity. On days when "my candle" has burned out, and I'm tired and a tad grouchy, they still love me. They still want to be near me. They still tell me they love me. And G and L still tell me at random moments almost every day..."you are the best Mommy in the whole world". Life just doesn't get much better than that.

And to my mother, I owe so much. She is at the core of making this transition as smooth as possible. She's picking up my slack at home, and doing everything she can to help out. I would be lost with her.

Relief...

2011-08-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Remember when I told you that I had to find another home for my Lola and Zoey??? Moving to a smaller home and tiny yard definitely wouldn't accomodate my 4 dogs like the 4 acres I once had. It was a heartbreaking, stressful, and painful thought for me. I was literally praying that God would help see me through the process, because I knew if I wasn't SURE about their new homes...then I would carry some insane amount of guilt around with me forever. I was also a nervous wreck about how my girls would handle this. They had already had several crying episodes, missing the furry friends we had to leave behind.

Well, God definitely answered my prayers!!! Lola is now with this wonderful family. They don't live very far from us, have three children exactly the same age as mine, and are completely in-love with our beautiful girl. She's now a 100% inside dog and I have a feeling...spoiled rotten!!! Her new dad is also a pastor, who intends on getting her back into a nursing home as a therapy dog like she once did with me. She was just incredible for the patients, and I could tell gained a real sense of pride with that job...so glad she can serve in that way again.

This wonderful family keeps me up to date on how she's doing, and I just couldn't ask for a better situation for us all.

Doesn't this pix just warm your heart??!! Their boys were asleep on the floor with Lola:)

And then there's Zoey...she is yet another answered prayer. There's a sweet family where I used to live who was wanting another dog as a playmate to the one they had. Perfect! Especially since Zoey is a follower, and needed another alpha dog to lean on.

She has two new, cute girls that think she's the cutest thing ever...and from my last email she is sleeping in the bed with her new mommy! (I bet she's wondering why I didn't let her go there a year ago!!!) Zoey has even been boating this summer with her new fam!

How cute???

**I intend to post more soon. Life has been CRAZY since starting work full-time!

We Got Stuck in an Elevator!!!

2011-07-19T17:48:00.000-07:00

Yes people. These two cute girls and I got stuck in an elevator 2 days ago! And for 45 minutes!!!! It was awful. Claustrophobic. Hot. Crowded. There were tears (Lilly). And there was even an emergency make-shift toilet...yes. Not good.

Yes, after I put Connor to bed the girls decided to play "hotel"...and I was supposed to be my usual "Ms. Beverly", the hotel manager. After checking in...Lilly said I needed to escort them in the "elevator" (aka. hall closet) to their rooms. So, as any good hotel manager would do, I escorted my distinguished guests into the elevator and shut the door. I hit the button to the 7th floor, and then went to open the elevator for my guests.

After about 10 minutes of using every bit of muscle I had turning that old doorknob back and forth, it eventually came off completely...which you would then assume would cause the door to just swing open! Nope. I tried some McGyver moves with an iron hanger and an anorexic barbie's leg to try to shimmy something lose in the space where the knob once was. Nope. I then did the typical movie scene of "Stand back kids! I'm going to kick the door down!"...which was funny in and of itself because there was nowhere for them to go....and we were so cramped in there I could only get my leg as high as my knee. No momentum. No luck.

My reaction to this was actually extreme calm. I guess it's one of those mom-things where you know you can't freak out. I was actually laughing through most of it...like a crazy person. I mean, really. It was funny. Most that know me well have said, "Sarah, only YOU could do something like this!", so even I had to laugh at myself. Lilly, of course, was wigging-out the whole time. Grace, of course, was laughing right along with me and just taking it in stride.

After my attempt to kick the door down, I decided to give up and sit down. ("Sitting down" is not really the appropriate word...it was a very awkward kneel/sit because we were in there so tight.)

So I guess you're wondering how in the world we got out??? Daddy Chris (my dad) called right before I took my guests to the elevator and told me he was going to come by that night to drop something off. So I was praying he'd come soon...and that he wouldn't change his mind and decide to come another day! I could hear my cell ringing several times, and I was imagining him calling to say it'd gotten too late and he'd see us tomorrow. Well, what I am thinking was about 45 min later, we heard Max bark. Then we heard my dad come in. All 3 of us started yelling like we'd been slaves in a dungeon for weeks! He opened the door, peeked in, and practically fell on the floor laughing!!!

It was an experience, to say the least, and I had fun telling the girls that I was SURE they'd be laughing and telling their own children about this one day:)

*In case you're wondering...Connor slept through the whole thing.

**And if you are curious as to WHO went to the bathroom in the closet...in an emptied-out My Little Pony bucket...well, it wasn't me. If you're read my blog much, you can probably guess which child was relaxed enough to do such a thing. She'll be an awesome camper!

***And the pix of the "elevator" is what it looked like after we were rescued. The weird caterpillar looking thing is a huge, hanging organizer...hence the VERY crowded closet!

God Called Me Out!

2011-07-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

The heat we've had lately is just awful...makes you want to stay inside and do nothing! So, to relieve you from your heat-depression (if you have it)...here's a funny moment from my life that is bound to make you laugh.

Last Sunday I had decided we were going to church come hell or high water (no odd disrespect meant with the word hell there:). I always have good intentions, but craziness hits my house like a meteor most Sunday mornings...like no matter how hard I try I can't get all of us out of the door on time, or someone comes down sick, or we have a major crying melt-down right before and I give up (it's not me with the melt-downs...usually:). And yes...I KNOW these are excuses, and there should be NO excuse. I am trying people. I will get there:)

So, back to my funny story...this past Sunday I was going to church. No matter what. But first I had to color my hair (you know, the cream you let sit 10 min then wash off...lasts about 28 shampoos or something like that). I have started finding a few grey hairs, which saddens me. But it's life. We would have been right on time if I hadn't added the extra step of getting rid of those three grey hairs! So we walk into church a few min late, and as we sit down this verse comes out of the pastor's mouth (And you know I'm telling the truth because there is NO WAY I could make this stuff up!!!) ...

Grey hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. Proverbs 16:31

I laughed out loud!!!!!! Grace and Lilly looked at me like I'd lost my mind, and I did a fake cough thing to hide my insanity from those closest to me. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing!!! I was late to church because I was trying to get rid of my grey hair, and this was the first thing I heard when I walked in???

Well, you got me God. Good one. You really do have a great sense of humor. And I got it...no more excuses for church. Especially not being late because I was trying to get rid of my "crown of splendor"!

A Glimpse Thru My Window

2011-07-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

THIS is my formal dining room! Yes, I replaced the chandelier, and now it's our piano room, wii room, a few toys room, guest room with the sleeper sofa, and general hang-out room. I have always used my dining rooms just a few times a year...which has always felt like a lot of wasted space. We use this room every single day, so the switch was well worth it. Just know if you come over for dinner and don't fit on our table that's just big enough for us...then you'll be eating with a plate on your lap! Or we can go picnic style:)

All of the artwork in this room was done by 3 incredibly talented artists that happen to live here. This is by far my favorite keepsake to date. I went through the box of the kids artwork I am always collecting and pulled out my favorite pieces. Each frame and mat are filled with special creations from one child. I tried to arrange them in a creative way, and I think they look beautiful!

Here is our "jungle room"! If Elvis can have one, dang it, we can have one too!!!

I love this room. It's a "sunporch" with windows that can be removed to use the screens behind. With this 105 degree heat...the windows are ON! This is our playroom/reading room.

This is where we will hang our coats and backpacks...and there is an old white locker next to it. We each have our own shelf in the locker and that's where our shoes, hats, and sunglasses are kept. (I LOVE to be organized!)

The kids have their rocky-horse, play kitchen, train table, and word wall for learning.

Then they have a cozy, whimsical sitting area next to their bookshelf. The area is very inviting for my little emerging readers:) They love to sit under the leaves with me while I read to them.

This is my den.

With my sectional sofa, eating area (And yes, every chair at the table is different. It's on purpose. I'm weird that way.), my comfy chair, and a wall of windows over-looking the cove...it creates a room we are in the most. It's very cozy.

This is the girls room.

They love sharing a room...and since this house has only 3 bedrooms, that is a good thing:)

They have enough dress-up clothes and barbie dolls for a small village!

(And we are in love with this light lavender color on the walls! It's the best room color choice yet!)

We have hardwood floors throughout the whole house, which is awesome for a family filled with seasonal-allergy sufferers!

My wild-man's room!

My old home has a few wonderful built-in shelving areas. I had a lot of fun decorating the shelves in Connor's room...choosing pieces that are special and hold meaning. The shelving items really tell Connor's story.

I really tried to decorate and choose pieces for the kids rooms with them maturing in mind. My goal was to create rooms they could grow into; that they wouldn't "outgrow" in 2-3 years.

I somehow ended up with a HUGE master bedroom (with my first king size bed!) in this house!!! (Which is unheard of in an old home.) This wonderful built-in shelf was also fun to fill with my grandmother's collection of antique books, old family pixs, and special family mementos. It's a collection of special family memories.

I really, really love my room. It's my favorite room in the house. It's my sanctuary, and I've never had that! I've never had a master bedroom that I paid any attention to. They were always pushed aside with the need and attention going to the rooms in my house that people actually saw!

I love that it's big enough to put my desk in here...so I have everything for work and all my house/bill needs close. My non-working fireplace gives a cozy feel too:) The door you see leads to my laundry room, which works nicely being in my bedroom.
My bedroom furniture is a hodge-podge of things given to me (Some I've had since college!) so in order for it to not look a mess, I chose one thing to focus on and then build around that to tie in the many different pieces. I chose the rug I found. I loved the colors used that aren't traditionally seen together...like the dark red, creamy yellow, and baby blue. I had furniture in those colors and painted my consignment headboard the baby blue color, and then finished off the room with my dark red curtains from Wal-Mart!

The two chests at the end of my bed are Grace and Lilly's hope chests.

So.....that is my house! For my family and friends that haven't made it here, there you are! For my blog friends, hope you enjoyed! I'm really proud of it. I did A LOT to the house the week before the kids moved in...every single room was painted, I refnished a bathtub, had to replace appliances AND a hot water heater. It was hard work and lots of money spent, but worth every penny and all the sweat! This house is the perfect size for us. Big enough, but also small enough for one person to manage. It's in my all-time favorite neighborhood here with hills and LOTS of trees, and we're in a nice cove where the kids can ride bikes.

I have to be honest and say that I have wondered what the homes look like of those blog families I've followed for years. Especially those who seem to have great style. Maybe some of you will share what your dwellings look like! I know our homes definitely tell a story of us, and are an outward, tangible view of our personalities. I wonder what mine about me??? Hmmm. Maybe I don't want to know!

***And no worries. I do have bathrooms...just forgot to take pixs of those.

******And I also still have 3 children...and I did in fact take pixs of them yesterday like I said I was. I promise to post them tomorrow.

Life Speeding By

2011-07-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

This pix of me is a perfect image analogy of my life the past month. It's been busy. Time is whizzing past me very fast. But as fast and hectic as it's been...I've had a smile on my face:) Life has been really good:)

We are all settled in, but moving really wore my butt out!!! I, as usual, stayed up all night and gained many bruises while trying to get everything perfect and looking as if we've lived here for years...all within the first week. So in less than 2 weeks I had every box unpacked, all pics hung, and everything in it's proper place. I wish I wasn't like this...because it nearly kills me every time...but if I don't it really stresses me out. It's not even for me. It's because I am crazy about wanting everything perfect for my children. I've had guilt about every move they've had to make. Every new school change and impending notion of them having to make new friends, etc. Their home...feeling like a "home"...is the only thing I can control. So, I'd do whatever it takes to make it immediately feel like their "home". It is always SO worth it. This time, they fell immediately in love with this home. The girls have told me many times that this is their favorite house...and Lilly has asked if she can live here forever with me. So yes...SO worth every bruise, grey hair, and wrinkle I've acquired:)

After the big move, I've been busy with "attempting" swim lessons for all 3 of my children, getting Bezo adjusted to being a mostly inside dog now (which he has been superb at), doing inservice days for work (going back as a Reading Specialist for middle school), taking more of the dreaded PRAXIS teacher exams, looking for a grad school to take online courses starting this fall, swimming with the kids, playing on their brand new swing set I bought them in our backyard, working on my untamed yard, meeting new friends here, enjoying the girls having their VERY FIRST sleepover here with a sweet new friend, and somewhere in between just trying to live life.

I'm busy. No busier than most moms...but busy. I don't think it'll ever slow down. Which is fine. Busy just means I have been blessed with wonderful children, friends, family, and a job. Can't complain!

The kids also went with their dad to Michigan to visit his HUGE family there. They had a wonderful time getting to swim in Higgins Lake with all of their many cousins and got lots of attention from the Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents.

While they were there I drove (yes, DROVE) to New York to help Jeremiah move into his apartment. Took all of 17 hours, and I won't be driving that distance again! Ha! It was well worth it. I had a wonderful time with Jeremiah,was able to really help him with the move and decorating his place, and got to revisit my absolute favorite city to visit. I love it there. I love everything the city has to offer...like Broadway, Times Square, 5th Ave., Central Park, St. Patrick's Cathedral, Lomardi's Pizza in Little Italy, Soho, and even the subway. I just love walking up and down the busy streets. As much as I love it though...I could never live there. I realize how "country" I am while there! I miss trees and grass, men opening doors (even as "old school" as that is), Sonic, streets you can drive on without enducing heart attack symptoms, and the quiet. :)

My goal for tomorrow is to continue unpacking our bags, and to finally take pixs of our new house to post...and of my children! I will try and get some on here soon!

Zoey Needs a Home

2011-06-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is Zoey. Santa brought her 2 years ago.

This is Zoey now...all grown up:) She's a beautiful, unique girl. She has wonderful black and white fur that is spotted and then mixed together in places. Lilly has always called her the "polky-dot" dog! She's pretty short, and a little long. Sort of reminiscent of a Corgi build...or a pot-bellied pig when she eats too much!

She's been through the AAA 12 step program and has been in recovery for 87 days now! Woo hoo! (please know I have a weird sense of humor:)

Zoey loves children! She wants to join in on the fun!

Zoey was from a large litter I rescued from the pound. The puppies were about 1 week old when we pulled them and they went into foster care with their mother.

Lola's maternal instinct really came to life with Zoey.

They were a very cute pair:) Lola the Giant, and Zoey the Tiny One.

She was SO tiny!!! And she has the cutest, spotted nose.

Just like Lola, I am having to go through the heart-breaking process of finding our Zoey a new, loving home. I've moved from 5 acres to less than 1/2 an acre...and it would be cruel to my furry crew to cram 4 dogs in that small of a space. Also, being a single mom of 3 little ones, it's hard now to give them the time and attention they deserve.

Zoey has been on 4 acres with an underground fence. She's done very well with that set up. She is a healthy girl, and has been spayed and kept up to date on all vaccinations. She is a loving, sweet girl. She is shy around new people, and it does take her some time to warm up. When she's shy, she just avoids the new person and gets about 5 feet from you to check you out. But give her some time and she'll be putty in your hands. She loves attention...and LOVES children! Zoey absolutely HAS to go to a home with another dog/dogs there. She has been Lola's "side-kick". She's literally her little shadow. She follows her everywhere...and if you see Lola trying to catch a nap, you also usually see Zoey jumping around her and aggravating her trying to get her to wake up and play. It's pretty comical to watch! She would likely get on the nerves of an elderly dog, so that wouldn't be good:) Since Zoey has been "older" (she's 2 1/2) she's been an outside dog, so if you are looking for an inside dog you'd need to do some house training. She IS crate trained, because I put them in crates in their big doghouse (their shed) with the heater on at night. Since she's crate trained already the house training would likely go pretty smooth.

These are very hard circumstances to be in, and it is an emotional rollercoaster for me having to do this. I want Lola and Zoey both to go to wonderful homes, where they will receive the love they deserve. The love they are used to getting. Please help me find Zoey a wonderful home. Pass on my blog address to friends/family that may be interested in adding a furry child to their family:)

You can email me at grace2lilly@gmail.com with any questions or interest. I'd love to talk to you:)

LOLA

2011-06-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

((I am finally getting a bit settled and we're moved in our new house. I'm going to try and post pixs and stories about that soon...but right now this is more important!))

This is my lovable Lola. She’s been our sweetheart for 2 ½ years now. Life has thrown me some twists and turns, and now I have to find my sweet girl a new home…

I just moved from my house with 5 acres, where 4 acres were in an “invisible fence” for the dogs to roam. I’m now in a home with .34 acres…BIG difference. I’m a single mom with 3 children now and had to downsize just to manage. I have 4 dogs; 3 of which I “accumulated” through the rescue organization I founded in Covington, TN: C.A.R.E.

Now I have the impossibly, heart-breaking task of finding new, loving homes for two of my furry family members. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and my heart is heavily burdened with guilt. I just can’t take care of a 6, 4, and 1 year old full time, go back to work full time, start a master’s program in the fall, and give 4 dogs enough exercise to deal with being in a yard that is so small. It’s not fair to them.

So here’s all about La-La-La Lola! As you can see in the pictures, I’ve had Lola since she was a puppy. I found her and her brother and sister on a deserted country road, dodging cars. I found homes for “Baby Girl” and “Hoff”, and still keep in touch with how they’re doing, but we decided to keep Lola. We just fell in love with her.

She is a big girl! Her weight fluctuates from about 85-95 lbs., depending on weather and activity. Of course her breed mix is a guess, but the most consistent guesses I’ve gotten from veterinarians is Bloodhound, Mastiff, maybe a little German Shepard mixed in there? All I know for sure is that her “mix” is perfect. She’s very laid-back. If she’s not stalking squirrels like a lion, she’s sunbathing. She has a BIG hunting instinct. In fact, she has been killing at least one mole a day lately! It’s funny, because she doesn’t dig in the ground to find them. She waits until night, stalks them, and then pounces! (If you are weak-stomached about stuff like this…Lola is not the dog for you :)

Lola is absolutely wonderful with children. Like I said before, I have 3 under the age of 7. She’s been jumped on, had ears pulled, tail pulled, food taken, and everything in-between. Bless her heart, because she just lays there and takes it all. She’s very gentle with them, and never jumps on them. She’s a “gentle giant”, and a very loving girl.

She was raised in the house for the first year of life, and then we moved to the 5 acres she stayed primarily outside. Even so, every time I bring her in for some family time or to escape the heat or cold…she NEVER has an accident in the house. She is also used to being crated at night and happily goes in when asked to. She’s a smart girl, and catches on quickly.

She’s obviously great with other dogs, because she’s been with 3 others and many foster dogs. There’s always an “alpha dog” in every pack, and in my pack she’s been it. The others follow her around and you can just tell she makes the rules! She’s never shown any dog aggression, although when her little 30 lb. “sidekick” Zoey won’t stop aggravating her, she will give her a kick growl and bark to put her in check. And honestly, she always deserves it!

Lola welcomes neighbors, friends, and family into the backyard with a friendly sniff and lick, but she does bark when a car pulls into the driveway. The only time she has shown any aggression is when the meter man walked into the backyard once to check and I was walking around the house yelling for him (had to ask him something). Lola’s bark turned into sounding more like a lion and she chased him right out of the yard!!! It was clear that the strange man with gear and me yelling had her thinking I was in trouble…which I appreciated. She proved that she would be protective if needed.

Lola has been spayed and is current on all vaccinations. She’s been on monthly heartworm preventative and flea prevention since a puppy. She’s never been sick and is an all-around healthy gal.

Lola could easily join a family with or without children, be inside full time or out, and since we have moved so often the last few years I know she’ll transition well. She loves to be outside, but enjoys being a lazy gal on the rug in the house too! She would make a wonderful bff to a guy on the move that wants a partner to ride with, a bff to a stay-at-home mom who would like the company at home, or the bf to that of a child. (She’s been dressed in crowns and scarves many times and is such a great sport about it!) She’s affectionate and loving, and needs a family that will return the love she deserves.

If you are interested in adopting Lola please email me at grace2lilly@gmail.com. And please share this with others…it’s so important to me that she gets an incredible home!

***And NO hate mail please. I don't want to hear how terrible it is that I am giving my dog to someone new. This is killing me. Divorce wasn't in my plans for life, so downsizing to such a small yard and me being torn in a million different directions wasn't either. I started a rescue org from the ground-up that's rescued, vetted, and adopted almost 400 dogs to loving homes. I love my dogs. So... No. Mean. Comments!

This is the beautiful girl...who loves the snow:)

Here she is with 2 of my other dogs. You can see what kind of life she's been used to! She was able to chase deer, fox, and even a bobcat!

Before we moved to our last home, she was the therapy dog for our local nursing home. Lola and I (and my daughter Lilly), would go once a week to visit the residents. She was perfect for this kind of charity work. She was so calm and unaffected by the environment changes. She'd let them all pet her and love on her. It would get the patients talking about their pets they had as children. I also trained Lola to lay her head in the laps of those that were incoherent. It was amazing to see them feel her fur and breath, and see a little life shine through.

Everyone that sees her comments on her beauty:)

She has many talents...and jack-o-lantern making is one of them:)

So gentle with babies of all kinds.

When she out-grew her dog bed, it was hilarious to watch her try to squeeze herself in!

When things would get loud in the house (aka. KIDS!), Lola would lay with her head under the couch!!! Too big for that now:)

Lola's first time in snow...instant love.

Such a cute puppy!

This is her with her brother and sister. See??? No way I could drive by this cute bunch and leave them to be hit by a car!

We've been "Mck-photographed"!!!

2011-05-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

My baby boy is growing up too fast!!! Those sweet chubby cheeks are starting to thin out :(

30 of the cutest toes on earth!

this one above is my favorite:)

I love this one of my mom and I too. We're sitting on the quilt I had made from my grandmother's clothes...she is with us always.

Connor had obviously had enough of the sitting and smiling by this point...

I was lucky enough to get an appointment with Jennifer, or "MckMama", as she's known in the blog world, when she was traveling through. She's an incredible photographer, and I've followed her blog for years. I am in love with the pictures!!!! I can't wait to get lots framed for my new house when we move in two weeks. She really captured the beauty of my kiddos...and had a very challenging subject: Connor! We were at a park, so he was mad and fighting us to get down and run full speed ahead the entire time! He was not understanding my need to have him sit and smile pretty when there was a beautiful park to explore right before his eyes! My mom got to get in on the action (Which in all honesty I needed her help for this!) and am excited about the pictures of her with us. And of course I couldn't leave out their Daddy:) May seem a bit different to some that we took "family" pictures of us all together, even though we are divorced. I pray though that no matter where life takes us in the future, we can always do things like this. We are, however, the very proud parents of these three beautiful people...and no one on earth loves them more than we do! They are our pride and joy, the center of our lives, and everything we live for.

ARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!

2011-05-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

{{{{I have finally caught up on my blog scrapbooking! You will likely not hear from me for awhile on here. Just know I haven't checked myself into the looney farm...yet. I have just one more week to pack before moving (the kids and I are moving back near my hometown), and I have just TWO boxes packed! I have to get on this! Can't wait to share more about our new crib when we get settled in!}}}}

Brooks and Brandon were having a small birthday party with a pirate theme....

so we decided to surprise them in FULL pirate attire!!!

That is the cutest pirate boy I've ever seen!

I must have a screw loose, because I bought Nerf swords for them all. I'm sure Brandi and Jerry were cussing me after I left!

CHEESE!!!!

Connor's idea of heaven:)

Why do I look like I have a lobster claw for a hand??? Oh yea, because I had Connor in a death-grip to keep him still for this picture!

Their Daddy stopped by for awhile for the festivities, and tried to resurrect some of his old skateboarding skills. Not bad!

Oscar Winning Performance!

2011-05-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

One day, when Grace is accepting an Oscar or Emmy... I will remember where it all started. In a modest play about a certain 3 little bears, and with one line that we practiced for weeks. Her debut was a success, and the extremely shy child could not wait to get on stage! Ironic, huh? This Mama was so proud. Just don't forget about us 'little people' when your name is in lights girl!!!

This is S. one of Grace's bff's.

And her bf R. was cracking me up with this one challenging ear that wouldn't stay up! It's the "mishaps" that are always the cutest!!!

I LOVE this picture of Mimi...she was one proud grandmother! Didn't take her eyes off Grace the whole time!

Here it is ladies and gentleman...her first performace line said in front of 100's! Ok, it was with two other girls...but STILL!

The play was quite long. This bunny got a little distracted from time to time...

So did this cute girl beside her! Hilarious!

But she sang her little heart!!!!!

Of course every great artist performance deserves an 'after-party', right??? So, a nice reception in the classroom was just what these hardworking actors and actresses received.

We are SO, SO proud of you Grace. You bring excitment and beauty to everything you do!!!

**Her Daddy and Lilly were there. Lilly refused any pictures, and Daddy had to leave when the play ended. He filmed and I took pictures...yea, we've turned into those obnoxious parents!!!

Easter 2011

2011-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful Easter, and were able to spend time with lots of family!

Egg-Hunts Galore!

2011-05-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

Lilly's sweet class

My hometown has an AWESOME easter egg for a ton of kids in town! They loved it!

Better late than never!

My Rollercoaster

2011-05-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

If you could see my mind and heart, I'm certain it would look like this poor girl! I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions, with WAY too many ups and downs, twists, loops, and those stomach turning parts where you hang upside down. (Let me add here that I know I am blessed. I have 3 healthy children and a wonderful, supportive family. Even in a life with blessings though, you're not immune to hard times. This is my hard time. I'm just sharing to share. No point here.)

My rollercoaster is going something like this:

UP: I'm really looking forward to moving just 15 min away from my big family.

DOWN: I'm really upset and sad about moving, and everything it defines for my life.

TWIST: I'm crazy-stressed and overwhelmed about having to pack up my home in a week, coordinate a 3 hr away move, and then unpack our belongings.

DIVE: I have not had hot water for 11 days...it is adding SO much time and stress to our day because of packing the 4 of us to go borrow a bathtub somewhere and boiling pots of water for washing dishes and kids. I feel like a witch with cauldrons.

STEEP CLIMB: I'm nervous about starting over, making friends, and going back to work for the first time in 7 years. Um...REALLY nervous.

A STALL AT THE TALLEST POINT: I really believe this move will be good for my children.

TWIST: I'm tired. Really tired. And sad.

Anyone else feel like they're on a rollercoaster of emotions???

Just In Case You Thought I Was Lying...

2011-05-12T05:30:00.000-07:00

My redneck story of the possum and vulture may have seem fabricated for a good read. This morning, I was able to finally get a picture of one of them. Yes, that is a vulture on top of the trash can. (Every time I look at them The Jungle Book movie pops in my head...) Garbage day is today. Thank God. I'm still wondering what these dedicated vultures, who have been staking out my possum-filled garbage can, will do when they open the lid. I'm worried.

They've put on a few fancy dance shows for the girls too...although I think it's more of a mating thing. I have pictures to prove that theory, but I will spare you the mating images of vultures today. It's not pretty.

And THIS is where I bathed my children last night. Outside. It was so warm that I thought it would be fun. Nope. They screamed as the water was freezing. This redneck adventure of bathing may have scarred them for life.

You Might Be a Redneck, a POSSUM, and a VULTURE

2011-05-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

IF you bathe your kids in a big tub-thing in the middle of the den.

Even more so IF your children enjoyed it SO much, they now prefer it over the bathtub.

You might also look like a redneck IF you're found dragging the tub full of water out the door to the backyard.
A. Because it's heavy.
B. Might as well water the grass.

You might be a redneck IF, you're bathing the kids in a tub, in your den, yet won't let your one year old get in for fear of him getting water all over the place.

The sink was safer for this splashing machine.

Want the all-time BEST "you might be a redneck"????????

You might be a redneck IF your dogs bring you a 30 lb dead possum as an early-morning trophy...you don't know what to do with the kill, so you put it in a bag and in the trash can outside (I mean seriously, I didn't know what to do with the dang thing!)...on day 3 the stench of dead possum has now found it's way out of the trash can and is now a slap in the face when you open the door...so you do what any redneck would do in this situation to remedy the problem - you pull the freaking death-bomb-stench trash can to the road, which is as far as you can possibly get it from the house...

(and if you thought THAT was good, you'll love this)

drumroll please.............................................................................................

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF you have a vulture that is diligently guarding the dead-possum-filled trash can at the end of your driveway. (Trash doesn't pick-up for another day, and yes I'm worried that they will egg my house once they smell my "trash" or report me for murder, but I'm wondering if when they flip the trash can lid, will the vulture who's waited 3 long days for a shot at this possum, attack the trash guys??? Won't he be mad as hell for waiting that long and then getting nothing? I would be. I think I'll leave a big note and a long stick for them. Just in case.)

ABOUT THE REDNECK BATHTUB: We have been without hot water for over a week now. It may take another week to get it back. I've felt like gypsies hauling kids, pajamas, and bath essentials to friends houses. It's a big deal and a lot of work at the end of a tiring day. So I tried this out tonight. Had 4 large pots of water heating on the stove for the "tub" - Little House on the Prarie style. It did it's purpose...no more stinky playground feet. Tomorrow night we are going to a 'real' bathtub though:)

***DISCLAIMER: I mean no offense to any self-professed "rednecks" out there. In fact, I love rednecks. I also took NO part in the harming and/or killing of the possum. I do not condone any harmful acts my dogs may commit. I can promise they were punished, as I yelled no less than 47 curse words at them as I was picking up, and dropping, screaming, and dropping, the 30 lb dead possum that was still showing lots and lots of teeth.

Happy Mother's Day, 2011

2011-05-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

I. Am. Blessed.

(By the way, my favorite store is in the background! Just in case you ever want to surprise me with a gift card. :)

Really. Blessed.
My Mother is THE most giving, self-sacrificing, loving, and accepting person I know. She's an inspiration to not only me, but I know many others. She's a rare breed. She is slow to judge and quick to love. Her eyes don't see children with dirty clothes and problems, she sees the love they deserve. She has so much compassion and love to give to others...I only wish she'd do more for herself. She has been 'my rock', especially this past year. She's loved me when I haven't loved myself. She's reminded me daily of the things in my life I have to be thankful for. She's listened to me cry, then quickly prompting me to "put on my big girl panties" and move forward!!! See, she IS my rock! I love her and was so happy to be able to spend Mother's Day with her.

It was also great to have Aaron spend the day with us too. The kids were in heaven to have their 3 favorite people there! He took us out to a fan-tabulous lunch! I can't even tell you how delicious this home-cookin' meal restaurant was! I had juicy fried chicken, squash casserole, greens, and sweet potato fries! It was 'slap yo mama' good!!!! (And no, I didn't slap her. Almost did.) I'm seriously still thinking about the squash casserole. And fried chicken. Ah hell, I'm still thinking about it all! Crap. Now I'm hungry.

After lunch we took some family photos, and Grace did some ultra-diva posing. Then we did a little walking around (if I thought Connor's stroller could have held me I would have kicked him out. I. Was. Stuffed.) and made our way towards Sweet Ce Ce's. It's the kids' hot spot.

Look at this sweet little man!

Mmmmmm!

I had fun taking these shots outside of the ice cream parlor, looking in. It would be nice if life was like this...if you couild step outside, and look at your life from the outside looking in. I think it would give me a new perceptive every time. A new appreciation for my HAVE'S and not my HAVE NOT'S.

If you see me outside my house just peering in my windows, don't be alarmed. I may be testing this theory of mine:) Ha!

*** I have been very MIA lately and have so many photos to catch up on. I've been really busy not packing up for my mom in two weeks, not doing the pre-packing organizing, AND not cleaning out all the drawers and closets to purge before the packing. I'm exhausted...from procrastinating. So, I am going to try to sneak in the rest of these pictures between all the not packing I'm doing. :)

Facing the Flood...

2011-05-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

My hometown, and home to all of my family, is facing a flood that will break all previous recordings. This Saturday, the corps of engineers are predicting the Mississippi River will crest at 49.5 feet...3.5 feet over the Great Flood of 1937. My great-great Aunt Ethel Terrell remembers that one (she's 99 years old). She says it was the first Sunday she remembers her father actually working. He built a boat.

My hometown has suffered a lot of hardships in the department of natural disasters. Just 5 years ago I drove through town the day after a massive tornado had ripped through. It looked like a bomb had gone off. I literally hyperventilated in my car before I got to my mother's house. It was more than my senses could take...and now there's a possibility of another great cautastrophe? Mother nature is definitely pushing the residents to their limits...and they are truly living up to the challenge. It's unbelievable how this small, humble hometown of mine has come together, yet again. They have been sandbagging the levees, businesses, and homes. Local churches who should in all reality be preparing to pack up their belongings, are serving meals to the National Guard every day. Their support and love for their neighbors, literally, is admirable.

The Mighty Mississippi is not just a landmark of my hometown...it IS my hometown. As you can see in this picture above, the river frames the little downtown. Now it's tips are lapping at the seawall that I've drove past a million times to circle the path (that's now covered by several feet of water) and park the car. It's usually very serene to park and just stare out at the lazy-looking water and slow, crawling barges moving past. I've sat there a hundred times to think about life and relax. Serene is in no one's vocabulary now when thinking about our river.

Caruthersville, Missouri is at the point of "praying for the best, and preparing for the worst". It will be a day-by-day watch for them. The river is the topic of every conversation, and on every mind. It's rising waters, and the rate it's rising, is on constant watch. Many are starting to pack things up, and make plans to evacuate if needed. Please pray that God will stop the rain, and the rising of the Mighty Mississippi. Pray that the levees will hold...and pray for those that have already lost homes, businesses, and have farmland under water in the surrounding areas in Missouri and West Tennessee. My heart goes out to everyone affected.

Connor's FIRST haircut!

2011-04-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

It went as expected...B-A-D!!! He is THE most tender-headed child ever. I washed and deep conditioned his hair before, AND combed it out...but yet in the 30 min time it took to get there, his precious locks had already kinked back up into tangles:( As soon as she started combing his hair into this,

and had him looking very much like Don King,

he just screamed the whole time. (A little mohawk-fro going on here:)

This lady just kept right on combing and cutting, while the other two hair dressers were blowing bubbles, turning on cartoons, offering cookies, and lollipops! He was having NONE of it! Ha!

It was well worth it though (I'm sure not to him!). He looks super cute, and I got the dreaded event over with. He still has his curls, with just a good trim and shape up. I'm hoping it helps it to be more manageable for awhile. The hairdresser was crazy enough to suggest that I comb his hair out EVERY DAY to get him used to it! Insane in the membrane as a 90's band would say.

Here's a short video I took there...get ready!

Milestone

2011-04-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

(Before I write, I just have to comment on this picture of Grace. I know I'm partial:), but I think she is just gorgeous. What's even more beautiful about her though, is her heart. It's sweet and tender. And I have major hair envy of my daughter!!!!

Last night we definitely hit a milestone...

Grace was sitting in my lap, crying, because I made her mad over something silly. My cell phone rings and the conversation goes like this:

Me: "Hello"

Tiny girl voice: "Is Grace there?"

Me: I literally stuttered...thinking 'what the hell? And then asked in what had to have sounded as VERY puzzled, "Can I ask who this is?".

Tiny girl voice: "This is A....." (I'll protect her identity:)

Me: "Hold on just a minute." I then look at Grace and told her who was on the phone. She said "Oh yea, I gave her your number, she wants me to come play.". My first reaction was pride, because we have been working on memorizing my number for weeks!!! It was also around 6:00, so going to play wasn't an option. I asked Grace to talk to her, and of course she wouldn't....because she had been crying and I don't think she wanted her friend to hear that.

Me: "I'm sorry honey, she can't talk right now. Can she call you back later?"

Tiny girl voice: "Sure, bye."

It was so, so weird! That is the very first time someone (besides Daddy or Mimi) has called to talk to Grace. It made her seem so grown-up! I started wondering if it's going to start now...the constant friends calling, me yelling to get off the phone and do your homework, and going to her room to talk about boys in private... Oh Lord. I don't think I'm ready for this. And DANG IT, she's only in KINDERGARTEN!!!!

2 of the reasons we're moving home...

2011-04-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

This officially goes down as one of my most favorite pictures EVER! Such a great picture of FUN and LOVE! My brother Paul literally has all the love he can hold!!!

Connor was trying to pick his nose...I have no idea why.

Just doesn't get any better than this! Uncle Paul and Aunt Jessica come over every night we're home, and play HARD! They both love my children so much, and we love them even more. The love they show my babies is just priceless, and all 4 of us can't wait to move and be able to see them all the time!

My "Mama Bird" Ring!

2011-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

(I have been dying to write this post for a few weeks now but had to wait...you'll see why later.)

Since I'm obviously not wearing my wedding band any more, I have been looking for a casual, every-day ring to wear so my hand didn't feel so naked! When I came across a ring similar to this one on Etsy, I was THRILLED!!!! See, Aaron and my family gave me the nickname of "Mama Bird" 7 years ago. It's a long story I'll spare you...but just know it included a big, pregnant me that rescued a baby bird that fell out of its' nest. There was cutting up of worms to feed involved, a bird that fell in love with me, and tears when I had to set it free. Yep, I love animals:) So, I ordered this ring with 2 pink eggs and 1 blue to symbolize my two girls and boy in my little mama bird nest. I just loved it!!!!!!

When I got it in the mail the girls were so excited, and picked out which egg was "theirs". A few days later, out of the blue, Lilly crawled in my lap, took my ring hand in hers, and said "Mama, you forgot an egg in your nest. You forgot an egg for Thomas. You have 4 kids, not 3." Well, my heart stopped. She was absolutely right. My four year old had to remind me that even though my child and her other brother is in heaven, he's still a part of our family.

I immediately placed an order for another. This time adding a white pearl for our angel baby.

I love this new one even more. It is as it should be, and I needed Lilly to set me straight.

Kathryn, the owner of the Etsy shop Endorfinn, is an incredible person and artist. She was so sweet about making me another ring. The rings online just had all "eggs" of the same color in each ring, and she was so great about letting me run with custom-making mine.

The reason I waited to post is I didn't want to ruin the surprise for Kate! When I placed my second order, I had one made for her. The pix above is of both of ours...mine with my 2 pink, 1 blue, and 1 white. Hers with 1 blue for Jack, 1 purple for Ella (it's her favorite color), and 1 green for Lucy (her favorite color). Kate is having to spend so much time away from Jack and Ella while taking Lucy to the hospital for radiation treatments, that I hope this little trinket will help her feel like she's got them with her all the time:)

I highly suggest you check out Kathryn's shop here. Her pieces are beautiful and unique, and she's so great to work with if you want something custom...and VERY reasonable!

Crazy Sleepers!

2011-04-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yes...she was sleeping like this!!!

Do you see that I was wedged in an armpit???

Sponge rollers in the face. They are so pretty sleeping.

Yes, I have started letting my girls sleep with me most nights. They get so scared of the dark, and lately I've felt like the comfort of no worries at night sure won't hurt them. We'll be moving next month (closer to my family-I'll post more about that later), and it'll take them awhile to get settled and comfortable in a new house. Point being - I know it's not "good" to let them sleep in my bed, but it's temporary. After they are settled in after the move, we'll be working on it. And there's some serious motivation to do so...can you see it's crowded??!!!!!

They sleep like two crazy people! Lilly HAS be right beside me, and tosses and turns all night. She talks in her sleep, and will sit straight up and then fall like a cut-down tree! One night she fell right on my face and I swear I thought I had a concusion! There are little arm and legs all over the place, kicking, and rolling around. I've started taking pictures with my phone at night to show them how they're crowding me (like they care), and they think it's hilarious. My favorite is the first...I mean, really. Who sleeps with their arms stretched out like that???? These girls are funny even in their sleep!

*And yes, I know I need my sleep:) I have really started going to bed at a better time and get enough rest, and right now their feeling of security is just more important to me. And ladies - your comments on "Justin" yesterday made me laugh all day! Thank you SO, SO much! I didn't realize it at the time, but thank you for pointing out that I must be stronger and more confident that I knew:) After I had gotten that awful comment I had cried and felt so terrible about myself for 3 days (I make myself feel bad enough, I definitely don't need any help!!!). That morning it was just Connor and I hanging at my mom's, and I was thinking about it. I wrestled with thoughts of "being the better person" and just not even acknowledge. I think about my grandmother a lot at my mom's house. She's everywhere in that house. She was very much a southern lady (think Paula Deen), but tough as nails. I must have channeled some of her that morning:)

**Dang, just realized I must really be crazy to be posting these pictures of me in bed, no make-up, looking awful!!!

Dear "Justin"...

2011-04-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

I wish you would have been man/woman enough to make your profile public when you left such a hateful, cruel comment (that I did not publish). How brave of you to leave something like that under a probable false identity. No matter who you are, don't pretend to know so much about my personal life, and be careful about putting such harsh judgements on others...that is unless you are perfect; which I'm sure you are. And to firmly correct you: when you mentioned "Grace and Lilly's devoted father"...you failed to mention that he is also the father to a son. His name is Connor. How strange that you imply that you know my life so well, yet you left out such a big part...a child. Also, you mentioned that I'm "not very inspirational", that "my God must be different than yours", and that I "need to seek the help of a professional therapist". I'll clear these three up so you can sleep better at night... 1. I have never claimed to be, set out to try to be, or think of myself as being "inspirational". In fact, I think I have been quite clear about the fact that I feel quite the opposite. As I said in my post mentioning my divorce...this blog is a scrapbook I have printed off yearly for my children. It's not my personal journal, except for my feelings/letters towards for my children. However, I do have a few readers I don't know personally, and with my upcoming move, and big changes, I felt I owed it to them to explain. I know these blog friends of mine are not interested in the details of my divorce. It's no one's business but mine and Aaron's, and I'm sure you don't walk around as an open book as well. 2. As a Christian I believe there is one God; so you saying "my God must be different than yours" is just insane. Although I am completely unworthy of His love, I know I have it. He even loves YOU despite your cruelness. That's the beauty of God. He loves us all despite our shortcomings, sins, and downfalls. 3. On your strong suggestion that I need to see a therapist...your suggestion comes much to late, but appreciated. I DO see a therapist. I have been since last summer and I believe we all should at some point in our lives. From your hateful, anonymous comment, it's very obvious you need to see one as well to deal with your anger issues. Unless you choose to reveal your true identity please refrain from commenting again. I'm not interested. It sounds like you need to be working on your own heart. As the old saying goes, "don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes". My shoes are worn and my feet are tired. I'm not perfect, but no one else is either. I'm doing the best I can for my children, and if you knew anything about me, you'd see that and respect me for the mother I am, if nothing else. (*By the way, I knew I'd probably get some negativity after that post. That's why it was so hard to write. I am still so appreciative for so many of you that have said such nice things. This one bad doesn't take away the good. I just had to address this person that thinks they know me so well. My grandmother didn't raise me to lay down and let people beat me up verbally!!!

I Wish I Had the Self-Esteem In Just Her Pinky Finger...Lady GaGa That Is!!!!

2011-04-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken after Lilly's spring program at her school today. (Which she did a fabulous job with more pixs of her to come.) I wanted to get a photo at the church since they looked cute and I found an interested door and wall:) The picture just didn't feel right. We had a 37 lb whole in it. I miss my baby boy so, so much. I get to see him tomorrow and can't wait to kiss all over his sweet cheeks! After next week, I've decided he's coming home, regardless that I won't have met the 6 week mark post surgery. I've rigged up all kinds of contraptions around here to get him in/out of things, and I'm just choosing to believe it'll work out. My heart just can't take much more of the separation. I don't feel whole. And our house is WAY too clean and quiet. (Now, I'll be honest...the first two days of not stepping on Tonka trucks all day, hearing his loud screams just to scream, and changing 4 dirty diapers a day (yea, the kid poops like no other), was a nice break. But by that third day the quiet even bothered his sisters. And this wanna-be OCD clean mom almost had an urge to sprinkle his toys all over the house just to feel better...note I said "almost".) Mimi, Gan Gan, and Pat have taken such good care of him (as well as Andrea, Melba, and Ryan) but he needs his Mama, and I need him. My back is just going to have to deal with it.

To comment on my big Divorce post: I am completely humbled by the wonderful comments you all left me...and I didn't even deny even one to publish! (Ha!) Each were filled with such kind of words of acceptance, support, and encouragement. You have no idea how much I need that. I was sick with worry over the reaction. Of course our families have knows for quite some time, but this little blog scrapbook here is supposed to be all about happy memories for my children...and I felt like mentioning it would be tainting it. BUT, it also felt like I wasn't being authentic to their little scrapbook and life story. Although how badly I wish this wasn't our situation, it just is.

I am seriously going to print every single comment left and make myself a little book of them to read when I need a helping hand. Although I don't know so many of you personally, I do feel a connection to you, and I appreciate you praying for my family over the years.. When I lost my Thomas and was too mad at God to pray, I know you were picking up my slack and praying for me. And truth be told, I've been a bit pissed off this past year again that my life has taken this road, and have had spells of being angry with God and then feeling completely unworthy to even whisper His name. Even though you didn't know my situation, I bet you were picking up my slack then too. That's the thing about going through a divorce. It's a complete roller coaster of emotions.

If you do remember myself and my family in your prayers, I would like to ask you to pray for my self-esteem. It may seem silly, but it's so much more than not feeling "pretty". I am really battling with feelings of not being "good enough", and just overall crappy about myself. I definitely don't want a relationship, but I don't want to be alone forever...and when I ponder that thought I honestly think "who in the hell would ever want to be with me???", then I could list a million reasons why. This has never been me. I've never been "overly" confident with a major kick butt attitude of being able to conquer anything...but I always felt good about myself. So this sudden feeling of *dirt* is just no fun. When I mention it to friends they sweetly say something about how pretty they think I am and it's just silly for me to feel this way. Girlfriends are supposed to say things like that:) I know it's stupid, but I can't shake it. I know there are much bigger things to pray about...like our government, Lucy, war, orphans, and lost souls. I'm not trying to be selfish by stealing your time away from a bigger prayer...but maybe when you look in the mirror at your OWN fine self's when getting ready in the morning...maybe you could whisper a prayer that Sarah could find her own inner-diva or something (think Lady GaGa, Aretha, whatever it takes!), and pray I'll just feel freaking worthy! Thank you so much friends:)

A sweet girl left a suggestion to use white board markers on windows/mirrors, and the girls have had a blast. I got the back door we leave out of every day...so as I leave and come in, I see those words "If you look at what you have, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have, you'll never have enough.". So thank you for the suggestion!

Dreams and Divorce

2011-04-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

I had an absolute dream come true last weekend! I've been following Jennifer's "MckMama" blog for 3 years. She's an incredible photographer, and has been my online teacher by reading her tips. She's also just a super interesting mom with a large brood and a gifted talent of writing. You should go read about her RVing trip with her husband, 5 kids under the age of 6, and her stops for photo shoots. Wow. Sounds stressful but I'm honestly having RV envy. I think I want to do this one day. Here's a sneak peek she gave of the pixs. Can't wait to share the rest!

Seeing this beautiful picture was like reading a well-written devotional for me this morning. When life gets hard, and I feel defeated, I need to look at my children - and be happy, content, and appreciative for these three beautiful, perfect blessings God has given me. Keeping it real: I am often left with the feeling of "wanting" more. More stability in my life, more "easy", less loneliness, and less worry of not knowing my long term plan. Like most people, I am often thinking..."If just this would happen, or I had that, or they would say this...life would be so much better/easier." I know I'm not alone. It's so easy to fall prey in this need/want game, thinking that if you had that magic something it would be like the last piece of the puzzle to put your life together and make it work; and work easily. Well, life is hard. Life is also beautiful. And wonderful.

I love every day I spend with my children. My "hard part" is at night when they're asleep. When the house is quiet, lacking the distractions of their happiness and laughter, my mind often races with the responsibilities of my life, and doing this alone isn't great. I really need to work on finding a way to not let myself fall in this pit every night. I've never gotten this personal on here before, but I'm sure you've all gathered your own clues. My marriage started to dissolve last year. It's been hard.

I've battled with depression. I have extremely low self-confidence. I've suffered loss and have hit my bottom. I've learned how to mow 4 acres:) I've also learned that I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. I've learned the depths of love and care my family has for me. I've always known that I love my 3 children more than anything else in the world, but the past year has shown me that although they are young, we are already a TEAM, a perfect unit. They are the center of my universe and my life revolves around them. Every big decision I make, is based on their needs. I never thought my life would turn out this way, but I am learning that I HAVE to stop feeling like I failed. I have to really know in my heart that we can all still have a wonderful life...just in a different way than I'd always imagined. My children are happy, truly happy. They are healthy. They have wonderful, positive relationships with so many family members that love them in such a big way. They have great friends. I am not oblivious to the effects this will have on them, but I will be there for them every single step in their lives, supporting them with a fierce love.

I have got to STOP grieving, and start LIVING. Life is such a short gift from God, and I know I am robbing Him of the glory He deserves by not living it to its' fullest...even if its' just the dark, alone moments at night. (Funny how you learn more about your thoughts as you actually write...)

I think I'm going to write this quote on every wall of my house:)

"If you look at what you have in life,

You'll always have more.

If you look at what you don't have,

you'll never have enough."

-Oprah

***I have refrained from talking about my divorce on here because I've feared a negative response from readers. Let me just say this...be very careful before you judge someone. In my past, I have many times said "I would never ____". This past year has taught me so much about not judging others. I never thought I'd be divorced, and that my life would take the turns it did this year. None of us are immune to the problems the world can throw at you. I'm also not interested at all from hearing from anyone about the effects of divorce on my children. I know this. I'm a product of divorce myself. I don't want this for them, but it is. I know I'm a wonderful mother, and despite this there is no better mother out there for my precious three. So hold those comments too. Not interested. The only reason I chose to share is because I know I do have regular readers that I don't know personally, and in this last year I'm sure it's been confusing watching my family evolve without an explanation. As my blogging for this scrapbook continues, knowing this will make more sense now for everyone as well. There also might be other divorced moms out there that share some of the same feelings, and it always helps to know you're not alone. In case you're curious, their daddy is still involved in their lives. He loves them very much, and they adore him as well. The kids live with me, but he makes a point to see them as often as he can. We also still have a good relationship and are remaining good friends for our children.

****By the way, I have been trying to hit "publish post" for an hour now. My stomach is hurting. Why is this so hard??? Ok, I can do it. I hope I don't regret this post.

An Honest Look At My Birth Stories...

2011-03-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

There's someone I know from my hometown that delivered her baby girl with major complications this week. The baby's name is Scarlett. Please remember her in your prayers. She very much needs them. Thinking and praying for this baby has gotten me thinking about my own children's births. Something I haven't thought about in a long time. I wanted to share these to get them down in this scrapbook for my children to read their history one day, and to also share with you. Maybe some of my readers can related to one of them, and it's always nice to know you're not alone in your experiences.

Grace: The pregnancy was a disaster. I had hyperemesis, a severe form of morning sickness. I was in the hospital a lot for dehydration and was put on a medicine drip through a line in my thigh. Instead of gaining weight my first trimester, I LOST 12 lbs (and weighed 115 lbs)! I just couldn't hold anything down. I also developed a herniated disc in my 7th month of pregnancy. Talk about pain... I went into premature labor 3 times starting in my 6th month. I'd go to the ER, they'd give me several terbutaline shots (that make you feel like you're having a heart attack!!!), get the contractions to slow down, then send me home on bed rest. She was delivered 2 weeks early because of placenta previa (which caused intermittent bleeding throughout the pregnancy). She was given a perfect bill of health at the hospital. The day I got home, I was there 3 hours and she stopped breathing. She turned purple and went completely stiff. My mom and I were changing her diaper when it happened. I screamed and froze. My mom turned her upside down and was hitting her back to finally get her breathing again. She was in the hospital for a week; and went through what felt like a million tests. It was finally determined that she had severe acid reflux. It was choking her, and being so young her reflexes weren't developed enough to "know" to start breathing again once the reflux went down. That week in the hospital was the scariest in my life. I literally slept in the hospital crib with Grace (and I had 12 staples in my stomach from my c-section-that's a whole other long medical story). I wouldn't leave her to even go down to the cafeteria. With the hormonal swing from just giving birth, and seeing my baby stop breathing, I was more than a wreck. I couldn't talk to anyone on the phone, and cried constantly. I was so scared that God had just given me this child, and was now going to take her away. My love for Grace was so fierce. We bonded instantly. They let me go with her to every test (even those they usually don't let parents attend) because they said they'd never seen a newborn that could be calmed so easily by a parent. She had to have a test they usually sedate for because they have to lie so still. I asked them to try without, and I laid beside her and sang to her for an hour. She laid there completely still for the entire test. She went home on an apnic monitor for four months. It would go off sometimes 6 times a day with an alarm as loud as a house fire alarm. I'd have to wake her up with a little shake, blow in her face, or do whatever I could to get her breathing again. We didn't leave the house for weeks. I didn't even leave Grace with my mother, who I trust more than anyone else on earth, until she was almost a year old. Hard to believe. Grace and I weren't physically separated from each other for 11 whole months. I needed therapy. I went through some serious mental trauma I guess. I was terrified that she'd die while I was away (even to the freaking grocery store!!!) and then I'd have to live with that regret for the rest of my life. I was convinced that I knew CPR better than anyone else, and if something happened I'd be the only one that could save her. Of course that was 6 years ago and I'm healed from all of it. I know how ridiculous my reasoning and logic was now...but when I think about that time in my life, I can also feel that intense, paralyzing fear I had as well. It was very real for me. Grace is a miracle child. The times she stopped breathing and turned purple could have severely damaged her brain and her life for that matter. So if you ever doubted, miracles DO happen. She is such a gift. She teaches me more about life than anyone else ever has. She teaches me to not take things too seriously, to enjoy every moment, to look for art in the most unlikely of places, to have a gentle and caring heart, and to relax and slow down.

Lilly: My pregnancy with her went much the same as with Grace. I knew I had placenta previa early on again. I had hyperemesis again, but not as bad to require the i.v. at home that time. I lost about 8 lbs the first trimester, so not as much as the first go round, but not good either. (By the way, I was always so damn jealous of girls that COMPLAINED about gaining too much weight!!! If I heard them, I wanted to kick their well-rounded butts. I would have given anything to be able to enjoy eating at that time! Crap. I would have given anything to just eat and not have it come right back up!) I ended up with back problems, again. I went into early labor a few times again, and like the first I'd go get the shots and then go on bed rest. I went into labor 3 weeks early, and really expected to get a terbutaline shot and have them send me home to bed for another week, but I was 4 cm dilated so there was no turning back. I cried and cried as they prepped me for my c-section...all because my baby was being born on Dec. 23! My birthday is Dec. 14 and I hated it being so close to Christmas growing up. Anyway, my precious girl was born in seemingly perfect health. She was beautiful with full lips and a very "smart" look about her. Four weeks after we were home she became very, very sick. She started vomiting and couldn't stop. Within the hour we were at the hospital with a lifeless, lethargic baby vomiting bile. Within minutes they were doing xrays and ordering the pedia-flight crew to fly her by helicopter to the children's hospital that was just a 40 minute drive on a busy day. We were in absolute panic. They thought she had a volvulus, which is a twisting of the intestines. I road in the ambulance with her (it was storming and were issued a tornado warning, which cancelled the pedia-flight), which was the scariest ride of my life. I really thought I was about to lose my Lilly. After we got there and another test was run we found out the first diagnosis was wrong. Her stomach organ was positioned completely wrong. It was vertical, instead of horizontal (I hope I said that right and it's not vice versa...it's been awhile). She had a case of an anatomy gone wrong. We were in the hospital for over a week with a team of surgeons trying to decide what to do. In this huge hospital of the best dr's, they only found one person that had ever seen this before. It was a radiologist that saw a child like this in South America. Didn't help. The final decision was to try to hold off on surgery to correct the problem until she was bigger/older. Doing such a major surgery on a tiny infant was going to be a HUGE risk. They also said there was a chance "nature" would take care of the problem, and that as her body grew it would push the stomach organ into the right position. We went home and I was once again the crazy, anxious, always worried mom that never went anywhere without knowing where the closest hospital was. This same thing happened 3 more times before she was 1 1/2 years old, each time being an emergency, and each putting us in the hospital for at least a week. It's never happened since, and she's officially had a stomach virus that proved it must be corrected because it didn't go to the extreme. So when the doctors said that "nature" could possibly correct this rare disorder, what they should have said is that GOD could correct it. And as far as we know He did. Lilly is another walking miracle. She's the smartest child I've ever met, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom. Driving around today I swear it was if I was having a conversation with a 12 year old. It's seriously scary sometimes! I have to remind myself she's only 4, a lot. She's also the most affectionate child. She's always wanting to be near me, holding my hand, giving me a 100 kisses and hugs a day, and always randomly yelling out an "I love you Mama". She really makes me feel like I'm doing things right as a parent, because she is literally always telling me what a good mother I am, and how she's lucky to be my daughter. I'm blessed aren't I? I promise I don't take her for granted. My daughters are SO different in personalities, but in the most beautiful way, together they bring out the best in each other, and in me.

Thomas: When Lilly was just a year old, although unplanned, I became pregnant with my first son. This pregnancy was nothing like the first two. I started "showing" immediately...even before I took my first pregnancy test! I remember standing in my bathroom after I'd gotten out of the bathtub and noticing my abdomen. It had really gotten bigger...and then it hit me. Oh. My. Gosh. I suddenly realized I was a few weeks late (easy to not notice when you have a 3 and 1 year old). It was simply amazing how by this third time my body new exactly where it was going, and it went there fast! I had just about no morning sickness at all, which was crazy for me! That's how I immediately knew it was a boy. The pregnancy moved along very well and I was really healthy this go round. Then mid-pregnancy I woke up in the middle of the night while visiting my mother in a pool of blood. I had had no pain; nothing to indicate anything was wrong. My dad rushed me back to my hospital (1.5 hours away) and on the way contractions started. I sobbed the entire way. I just knew I was going to lose him. An ultrasound was done and Baby Thomas was very much still alive. I got to see him moving around and looking absolutely perfect. They sadly saw though that the placenta had a tear in it. (no known cause as to why, but I'd had placenta previa with my first two, so obviously my body just didn't "perform well") They sent me home on absolute bed rest, with orders to only get up to use the bathroom. They said it was too early in my pregnancy to do anything else, and gave me very little hope that it would end well. I felt like they sent me home to wait until he died. I tried very hard to be optimistic, and had my entire hometown praying for us. Three days later I started experiencing severe pain at home, rushed to the ER, and delivered my baby boy in the bathroom. I had a placental abruption. It was horrific. I hyperventilated in the bathroom and started to faint. A very sweet nurse helped me through it. Then I started to lose a lot of blood. I remember having Aaron on one side of me and a nurse on the other, walking me to a bed down the hall. We looked behind us and there was a large trail of blood behind me. Aaron started signing waivers for me to get a blood transfusion and started debating to call my brother to rush there to be my donor. Then before I knew it they were rushing me in to do surgery to stop the bleeding. Everything was happening so fast. The nurse asked me if I wanted to see and hold Thomas (his little soul went to heaven when the placenta detached). I declined. I regret that so much now. My reasoning then was that I did see my baby in the bathroom. He was covered in blood and lifeless. I just didn't think I, or Aaron, could handle seeing him that way. Of course with clear reasoning afterwards I know now the nurses would have cleaned him up and wrapped him in a blanket, but that was the image I couldn't erase from my mind at the moment. I said that I wanted to remember him as the little boy I imagined him to look like in my mind. It was such a devastating experience for Aaron and I both. The worst was going home to an empty house, and an empty stomach. I felt such a void, and I went through a lot of emotional pain of feeling like I (my body) let my son down, and maybe I could have done something different to save his life. It's hard to admit, (but I'm being honest here) that when I found out I was pregnant with Thomas, I was upset. I had a 1 and 3 year old, and I was overwhelmed with the thought of another baby so close in age. I wanted more children, just not yet. We'd also already started the adoption process (because we knew it would take about 2 years), and admittedly I was very sad that I had to stop that. I was scared my dreams of adopting wouldn't come true if we felt we couldn't afford to raise 4 children. Of course as the pregnancy went on these feelings all went away and I became overjoyed with my baby. But remembering these feelings at the time of his loss left me feeling like I had somehow wished him away in the beginning, or that God was punishing me for feeling that way then. I have never felt so much guilt in my life.

We buried Thomas next to my grandmother, who I know he's with now, and had a family funeral. Having Grace and Lilly made the healing process easier because I had to get out of bed every morning and take care of them...but the loss was no easier because I had other children. I still grieve for Thomas today, and some guilt still lingers. I know I'll get to meet him one day in heaven, and I am very much looking forward to holding my baby for the first time then. My children all know they have a baby brother and he's our angel in heaven. They visit the grave site with me. It may seem too young, but my reasoning is that I never want to have a big "sit down" talk and revelation of telling them when they're older. If they know now and it's just part of their life, then it will always be this casual, normal thing. Lilly already sometimes says, "I was scared, but I know my angel-brother Thomas was with me.". And I know he is...

Connor: Although I didn't physically give birth to Connor, and I'll never know his birth story, he also gave me a MAJOR health scare. In fact we were not sure he'd survive. When Brandi and I went to Africa, I was expecting a malnourished, premature, but otherwise healthy baby. (And he presumably was up until that point. I am not at all implying that he may have been seriously ill at the orphanage without telling me. I'm very sure he was not.) The third day there he got very sick with vomiting and bloody diarrhea. Brandi and I spent the rest of the trip (4 days) in a hospital. The orphanage director, Tseguy, was our God-send. He was just as concerned about Connor because it is so obvious that he loves all of the children there. He stayed with us at the hospital all day, every day. It was so helpful because no one spoke English so we would have been "up a creek". The hospital was like nothing you'd ever see in America (but that's another post). When we left for the states, he had gotten better, but had no explanation of what was wrong with him. After being home for a few days, it happened again. Same symptoms. We rushed back to the same children's hospital I had already spent so much time in with the girls. After many tests it revealed that his little body was full of parasites from the drinking water (used to mix formula). This caused his lymph nodes to be very swollen. The lymph nodes in his stomach were so large that when he ate and got full, his intestines would become crowded (because of the swollen lymph nodes) and he'd experience an intussesption. (which is basically a blockage in the intestines) If it isn't corrected immediately a tear in the intestine will occur, bile will leak into the body, and he would become toxic, which leads to death. So, big, huge, scary deal. The dr's assured me that as soon as his lymph nodes went down the problem would be over, so they were pumping him full of antibiotics. When he'd have an intussesption, he'd scream and his little body with writhe in pain. It was so heart-wrenching to watch. We were at the hospital for two weeks, and this happened 5 times during our stay. Two were corrected by surgery, one by another procedure, and the other two corrected themselves before surgery.

Connor is such a miracle. I had all 3 surgeons involved in his case tell me they'd only seen a child have this many intussesptions once before, and that had he stayed in Ethiopia just ONE MORE WEEK he would have surely died. There would have been no way the hospital there would have had the tools to do this kind of surgery. God's timing is perfect. After the storm had calmed, I jokingly said Connor was definitely MY child, because all of my children scare the HELL out of me right off the bat with health scares! I was seriously afraid that I would lose him. If I had, the pain of losing him would have been no less that if he'd been with me a year. I was already head over heels in love with him, and already felt such an extreme bond...and he with me. He knew I was his mother, preferred me over all others, and I was already sensing his needs before he needed them.

Connor has me wrapped around his chubby fingers. He is so interesting for me to watch grow, because as a boy he is SO completely different than the girls. He is so curious, fast, mischievous, and LOUD! He keeps us laughing all day, and usually has me saying NO all day too! :) He is my son, and I love him more than words can express. I look forward to watching him grow into a wonderful young man one day. I can't wait to experience everything life has to offer to him, with him. His sisters are so full of love for him too. He makes us a better family. Together, we are a walking, talking, beautiful expression of a FAMILY, that is created by LOVE.

So there are my birth stories. I've had this blog for 3 or 4 years and have never written about them all. In fact I've never documented it anywhere. Now my children will be able to read this one day in it's scrapbook and feel terribly guilty for any hard times they've given me. Just kidding:) They will definitely see though that each one of them is truly a miracle. They all faced terrible medical challenges, gave me a heart attack each time, and are my BLESSINGS for it.

Cute Caps!

2011-03-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Isn't this the cutest thing ever??? On nights when we don't wash hair, I put it up but they sometimes still manage to get soap in it while playing. I found these adorable shower caps for kids on etsy.com and found a very cute solution to my problem!

Love Is The Best Medicine

2011-03-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

I've been on the couch a lot the last two days, recovering from back surgery. Connor is also recuperating from having croup. The child who never sits in my lap for longer than 1 minute, and just doesn't stop moving at all, has loved on me all day!

He actually fell asleep on my stomach today! This hasn't happened in a very long time. I was tired as well, but could hardly sleep from trying to savor each second. Seeing the rhythm of my breathing lull him to sleep was priceless. I snuggled my face in his soft head of hair, enjoyed feeling the weight of his little body completely relaxed on mine, and thanked God for this very rare moment.

Seriously...have you ever seen lips as cute as these???

I pray I don't have to wait another year before my little boy falls asleep with his mommy. His busy, active, inquisitive little self is just always too busy to bother with long snuggles. Even when awake today though, he kept coming back to sit on the couch with me (he's climbing up-he learned just in time since I can't pick him up!), to ask me to sing to him or give me a kiss. He even tried to brush my hair with a doll brush today. It was actually more like he beat my head with the brush:)

Grace and Lilly have been so helpful to hand me things and ask if my back is getting better. When we took the bandage off tonight they couldn't wait to see the stitches! Lilly told me she was so sorry someone had to sew my back up like a doll:) Mimi of course is my life-saver. I don't know how I could do this without her. Well, I couldn't. She's doing all of the regular house duties around here, and still baking cookies with the girls and giving all three her undivided attention. We are all SO blessed to have her. God couldn't have given us a better gift than Mimi.

A Ghostly Picture!!!!

2011-03-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

Thought I would give you all a good laugh...This is me, soon after my back surgery Monday. For some crazy, drug-induced reason, I took this picture of myself as soon as I got my phone back. Why??? No idea. I mean, seriously, what was I thinking? Was I thinking that I looked so beautiful that I needed to capture this moment? Did I think I was close to death and wanted to document the last moment of my life? Or did I take it accidentally while trying to do something else on my phone through blurred morphine eyes??? Whatever the reason was, when I found it later on my phone it really cracked me up. I look like a freaking GHOST!!! Nik told me that I really scared her because I did look so pale...now I know why! I looked t-totally-terrible!

So, I came home yesterday and am doing pretty well. Of course I'm in a lot of pain from just recovering from the surgery itself, but it's getting better every day. The surgeon said it went perfect. He said that the nerve that was being "pinched" had actually been pushed up under a disc and was really jammed and pinched to the extreme. He actually said he didn't know how I'd dealt with it as long as I had...which made me feel like superwoman:)

Best thing about this surgery is, since I woke up from the procedure, my left leg and foot has had NO pain and NO numbness for the first time in 4 weeks!!!!!! That tells me this surgery so very well worth it and needed. So glad I was able to do it. I've even already gained some of the muscle strength in my left side that I'd lost.

I'm laying around and taking it easy, and counting down the hours until my kiddos come back home tomorrow. I can't wait to see them. I have missed them SO bad! My mom is going to take Connor back and forth home with her for a few weeks. I can't pick him up for over 6 weeks, so I am really going to have to rely on her for help, and am so blessed to have her help. It's going to be hard to not be with him every day though:(

So thanks for all of your prayers! I'm on the road to recovery, and although all that knows me have been sending me STRONG messages to not screw this up and do too much too quick (they know me too well), I can promise I will not. My back hurts way too bad for me to risk going through this again!!!

Thankful for surgery tomorrow...what???

2011-03-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

I just left my friend Kate's blog where she wrote about all the things she was thankful for today. Wow. Kate is the mother to sweet Lucy I've talked about, who is battling cancer. If Kate can give thanks in the midst of what she's going through, then dang it I can. I confess that before reading her blog I was laying in bed, nervous about my back surgery in the morning, and feeling a little sorry for myself. Thank you Kate. I needed that swift kick in the a*#! Love you:)

I'm thankful that I AM having back surgery in the morning. There are so many people that can't afford to, or just don't have the resources, and have to live with the pain every day. I'm lucky that I have this option to fix my problem.
I had to get new health insurance in January, and with my back problems being such a big pre-existing condition, I couldn't find one to take me without a stipulation. My health insurance won't cover anything concerning my back for one year. Of course when I realized I HAD to have surgery I freaked. Cried. Panicked. Then decided to not worry about it any more. I applied for financial assistance with the hospital and actually got it! My entire hospital bill is covered!!! I won't have to pay a dime! I still have to pay the surgeon's fee, but I applied for assistance there and just haven't heard back about it yet. Maybe I'll get some help with that. So, I am VERY thankful for the blessing of help with that hospital bill!
I'm so thankful for my family. My kids have been at my mom's all weekend. Instead of being stuck here with a Mama that's out of commission, they're playing and having fun with their Mimi, Gan Gan, Uncle Paul and Aunt Jessica, and their "cousins" Maria and Miranda. They also got to spend time with their Uncle Reid who was in from Los Angeles. I am sad I didn't get to see him:(
I am thankful for my Dad who came to be at the hospital with me tomorrow:)
I am thankful for the Brentwood Library and the fact that they are the only place left where you can go rent/check-out movies!!! I have 8 checked-out on mine and Grace's library cards, so I have something to watch while I'm in bed all week!
Although it is killing me to be away from my children because I miss them so bad, I am thankful that I have those three angels to even miss. They are my world. I love them so, so much.
I am thankful for the beautiful sunshine we have had, and the awe-inspiring moon last night. Did everyone see that? It was the closest it will be for 20 years. It was HUGE!
Solitaire. When the pain in my leg gets really bad and I'm waiting on the pain meds to kick in, it's just more than I can bare. I get so focused on the pain, and of course I think that makes it worse. I can't watch tv, because everything just irritates the hell out of me...except solitaire. I play it on my cell phone. For some reason, if I focus on that silly little card game it helps me calm down a little bit and relax until the meds kick in. Weird, I know. But it works!
I'm grateful and thankful that my dad brought his camera for me to borrow! YAY!!! It's just like mine that isn't working, so I will be posting pictures hopefully soon. And as soon as I can afford the small fortune it will cost to fix mine, I thankfully can use his:) Thanks Daddy!

How do I have back surgery with a toddler???

2011-03-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

I know I have been a terrible blogger lately. My life has been challenging lately (like everyone else's). Here's the last 2-3 week rundown: I have a long history of back problems. Lots of herniated discs and sciatic nerve flare-ups. I've been through a ton of physical therapy, spine specialists, chiropractors, and had two epidurals last fall. A few weeks ago I had another herniated disc that put me out a few days. They hurt. Bad.

After steroids and pain pills it got better for about a week, and then this past monday I was taking a bath, and BAM. It hit me again. I felt like I needed one of the old lady alert necklaces to say "I've fallen and I can't get up!". Seriously ya'll...I'm only 32. Dealing with this crap is ridiculous. Nik took me to the ER. To make a long story shorter, I'm having back surgery Monday. The neurologist says I have finally reached the point of having no other choice. We've tried everything else. All of my pain and numbness is down my left side (this time my calf and ankle hurt so freaking bad it's crazy). I've lost A LOT of strength on that side and my left leg and foot have gotten really weak. If I let this go any longer I'm risking long-term nerve damage and permanent loss of strength/muscle control...and that's not an option.

Back surgery now is nothing like it used to be, so after about a week of recovering from just the pain of surgery itself, I should be pretty much back to normal. Here's the kicker though...I can't pick up anything over 5 lbs for 6 weeks, then nothing over 10 lbs for the following 6 weeks! THAT MEANS I CAN'T PICK UP MY BABY CONNOR FOR 12 WEEKS!!!!!!! This is the reason I've put the surgery off. I seriously don't know how I'm going to do this. He weighs 27 lbs, so it's not like he's just a little over:)

I obviously am going to miss picking him up, but I can sit on the floor and hold him, and he can crawl on the couch and sit in my lap, so that's not a big deal. This big issue is how I'm going to get by doing daily life this way. My mom is going to help me out a ton, and I am SO, SO grateful for her. She is seriously the best mother a girl could ask for. I know she'll do whatever it takes for the 12 weeks, but it's a long time, and I'll be ready to have my independent life back too. It's a long time to not be at home with all of your children without requiring help. So, I need suggestions/ideas from YOU! I know some of you out there are creative enough to help me figure this out. There are 3 big challenges:

The high chair: I have this solved. I bought a booster seat like this one, and I'm going to just sit it on the floor to feed him.

2. The Crib: I bought a 3 step, step-stool yesterday to see if I could help him climb in/out of the crib with this. Not going to work. It was way too much fun to just climb up and down, and he just wasn't able to get in the crib this way. I've thought about trying a toddler bed. He's way too young, but my choices are limited. He sleeps like a champ, so I could just hope and pray that "when" (b/c I know he would) he got out of the bed to play, he'd soon get back in to go to sleep. Not sure what to do. If anyone has a toddler bed they don't use and would let me borrow I'd really appreciate it.

3. The Car: I tried the same step-stool to help him climb in his car seat. It's just not going to work. I don't think I could find one that could get him close enough to the car seat. It left a pretty big gap for him to reach his leg over. I think he'd end up needing my help. I need something I can keep in the car too, because if not that means I can't go out in public with him without help. Oh Lord.

So, please put your thinking caps on and give me any advice or ideas you can. My brain is fried from trying to figure this out...and then I get stressed!

*****Oh, and the reason I haven't posted any new pictures in a long time is because my camera is broken!!! I've felt naked. Like I've lost a friend. I didn't get one dang picture of my cute children in their green for St. Patty's day:( It's a Nikon D80 I've had for a few years, and I have no money to get it fixed right now, so there will likely be no new pixs in the near future. (*insert curse word here)

More Gotcha Day Celebrations

2011-03-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

While in my hometown a few weeks before Connor's actual Gotcha Day, I got my family together for a little celebration. Connor had a blast playing with all of his cousins and getting so much attention. I have to say, I am SO blessed with such a supportive and loving family...makes this girl happy:)

Goofing off with Uncle Paul

Our Ethiopian flag cake...wasn't one piece left!

Connor feeding Uncle Jerry:)

He sure has his Eta wrapped around his chubby fingers!

Connor and his great-great-great Aunt "Ba" Terrell. (and she is even greater than those 3 greats!) She is celebrating her 99th birthday soon!

Cousin Lee, Kassidy, and Kady

Grace was the only sister present. Lilly came down with strep throat the day of the party:(

Mimi, Brian, Brandon and Grace

Beautiful Brittany

Andrea

There were A LOT more family there than I have pictures of. It was hard to get everyone's taken with all of the toddler chasing going on. We met at the Country Club in the dining room, and Connor ran into the bar (well, actually behind the bar!) about a million times. He also made many mad dashes into the bathrooms. I never sit still with him around!

Connor's Special Day

2011-03-01T20:21:00.000-08:00

Exactly one year ago today, I stood on a balcony in Africa, and watched a nanny walk towards me. She was holding a tiny blue blanket, with two beautiful, big eyes peering out. She handed my bundle of joy to me, my mama. I will never forget what it felt like to hold and see my baby boy for the first time. It was a feeling of overwhelming joy and completion. I felt like I was finally the mother God intended me to be, that of 2 amazing and beautiful biological daughters, my angel son in heaven, and my son that I went halfway across the world to bring home. With every ounce of my being, and everything that I am, I KNOW Connor was created to be MY son, long before his conception. It was the life journey we were both destined to travel. I will forever be indebted to his birth mother. She has given me the world, and I just know that God is going to allow me the privilege of hugging her neck in heaven one day.

Eta came to see him on his special day!

I know he totally looks drunk here, but I swear there was no booze in his sippy cup:)

He loved feeding his Eta.

Aunt Nikki, Luke, and Blake came by to have cake with us too.

* Hope you enjoy the video below. I loved creating it and seeing how much he has grown in the past year. He has gone from a very malnourished and sick, tiny boy...to a thriving, healthy, BIG boy! He is our sunshine, and we love him so much!

Happy First "Gotcha Day" Connor!

2011-03-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

Please Pray

2011-02-25T08:03:00.000-08:00

Please pray for this sweet girl. Her name is Lucy. She is an adorable 5 year old that is a beautiful 'tom boy', full of spunk, and her mama's 'shadow' like my Lilly. When we lived in her hometown, we were always having play dates with her and her sister Ella. Grace and Lilly were sweet friends with them.

Lucy was diagnosed with medulloblastoma this week. This morning, she is undergoing a big surgery to remove three cancerous tumors from her brain, and one on her spine. She also has a "sugarcoating" of tumors all along the length of her spine that will require aggressive chemo and radiation. She is starting a battle no child should have to face, and her parents are enduring a living nightmare. Please surround them in your prayers. It's sure not fair that this would ever happen to a child, but it sometimes does. I know though that all things possible through God, and am choosing to BELIEVE that God will heal this sweet girl. She is a tough little thing, and this battle will only make her stronger.

Thank you for your prayers blog friends:) I have appreciated your support for myself and my family for years, and now I need your prayers for another.

Kate is going to keep us all updated on Lucy through her blog. You can follow her here.

One Mad Mama!!!

2011-02-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

My Irishopian:)

This little sweet 'thang' has been so sick. Has had strep throat AND a stomach virus at the same time. NOT a good combination! She's finally doing a little better, but still so low on energy...and when she doesn't feel great BOY is she grouchy!!! I'm praying for her to feel better, and for me to get my nice girl back. Ha!

This beautiful, sweet gal is going through a hard lesson in life right now...that sometimes people can be mean for no reason. A child isn't being too nice to her on the bus, not enough to make her not want to ride, yet, but enough to get this Mama mad as hell! She got off the bus and jumped in my arms crying today. For the last few years I have been trying to teach her to stand-up for herself and use strong words when necessary. She couldn't be mean if she wanted too, and is so sweet and submissive that it's even hard for her to say "NO" in a strong voice to someone. I'm getting on the dang bus in the morning, and going to the school tomorrow as well. Isn't it crazy how you just want to spank another person's child when they're ugly to yours??? I wish I could fight all of her battles for her, but of course I can't. I just have to find a way to teach her to be strong, without squashing her sweet, sensitive nature that makes her, her...

Plaid Beauties:)

My Thomas Paul

2011-02-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Today was the anniversary of his birth. I don't think there will ever be a year where it will pass without emotion. This picture may seem strange to some, but I take my children to visit his marker a few times a year. Doing this has already made it "normal" to them; I'll never have to have a big sit-down meeting explaining to my children that they have a brother in heaven. They'll always know about their angel-baby brother...and sometimes the girls will randomly say that they bet he's watching them. I know he is.

"B"alentine's Morning

2011-02-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

I can't help it. I will miss when my girls don't say Valentine's with a B anymore. It's so darn cute. Anyway, that morning they woke up to their annual Balentine bag on their chair.

Obviously, G was super excited...

L is more my speed early in the day...

And Connor, well he was happy to skip the present and go straight for the special breakfast of gingerbread from Ms. Marilyn.

Thank you, Grace, Lilly, and Connor, for being My Balentine's. I'm one lucky gal!

Valentine School Par-tays!

2011-02-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

G made her box into a butterfly this year,

and L created a ladybug.

I went to 2 1/2 Valentine parties this year; the 1/2 being because although Connor had a
"party" at his little school...there's not too much partying when you have 8 kids in diapers:)

Ok. These are my two new favorite pictures of my girls. I mean, really? How sweet are they?! They have started telling each other, "I love you, you're my best friend.". It gets me every time!

And this hair. Yes. It takes quite some to braid all of this before school in the morning, but when they ask I can't say no! And I love these little Indian Princesses:)

As usual, Connor did some major performing at G's party. He easily draws a crowd with his antics. One of the little boys kept turning to G and saying, "you're little brother is AWESOME!".

They made cupcakes and cards, and were sweet enough to let L join in on all the activities.

Here Lilly is with two of her most favorite people in the whole world: Ms. Jennifer and Ms. LeeAnne. They are amazing with these kids.

She was so excited she couldn't even eat her heart-shaped, chocolate covered, topped with sprinkles donut from Krispy Kreme!!!

They did crafts and played some cute games.

It's blurry, but had to show L and one of her BFF's.

Here's my little man on V day. I love, love his shirt. There's some serious, thought provoking message here...(Warning: I'm about to get "deep".) This precious boy didn't ask for anything. He didn't ask to end up in an orphanage, and he didn't ask for a millionaire to adopt him either. Literally, all he needed was love. Didn't matter what I looked like, how much money I have, where I lived...he just needed LOVE...and boy does he have mine now!

Val-a-pa-looza!

2011-02-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day night was my "date night" with my kiddos. I made a big deal about it being a special dinner to celebrate how much we love each other. We made heart-shaped little pizzas and ate by candlelight. Connor played under the table throughout the entire dinner like a little puppy. The girls got excited and said they were going to "dress-up" for the occasion. True to their personalities, G came out with the addition of butterfly wings and a crown. L changed her entire ensemble to a very teenager-ish skirt, top, and fur vest she got as a gift.

I say Val-a-pa-looza because I was absolutely exhausted after that long day of parties! It was fun though and the kids enjoyed it all. Am I guilty of maybe going a bit overboard to keep my mind off of how much I personally despise the holiday? Maybe.

Family. There's nothing better.

2011-02-13T20:03:00.001-08:00

What a cute bunch of girls!

Connor has the BIGGEST crush on Aunt "Jessa", for obvious reasons!!! He literally starts running in circles when she walks in!

What Connor's been up to.

2011-02-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

Quick update on my little man:

I swear this kid gets cuter every day. Every time we go ANYWHERE people stop me and tell me how stinkin' cute he is...and of course he is still a big flirt with the women!
He is almost 16 months old and is now in the 40th % for height and weight. This is huge for him because he was .05% when he came home. His doctor said he's never seen a child overcome malnutrition so fast!
He is saying more words now. He can also sign and say EAT...which he says about 50 times a day. He will eat me out of house and home when he's a teenager.
He thinks all of the animals around here are named "gentle". He looks, points, and says, "gentle, gentle"...because I'm constantly yelling it when he goes near them! He pokes their eyes, pulls tails, and grabs fists full of skin. My boy is NOT gentle.
He still calls me "da da". It's going to look funny when my 17 year old son is still calling me Da Da:)
He still sleeps about 13-14 hours a night. Plays hard, sleeps hard.
His sisters still adore him, and he still pulls their hair.
He is a total ham. If he does something that makes us laugh, he'll do it over and over again. I think I may have a class-clown on my hands:)
He is a sneaky little thing. He'll go grab something of the girls or mine that he knows he's not supposed to have, and then he runs!!!
He is very affectionate. Loves to give and get kisses from his Mama, or I guess I should say his Da Da.
He loves to be tickled.
He'll eat anything. I haven't found anything yet that he doesn't like.
He can say "school", "diaper", "out", and "down".
He is the cutest diet plan a girl could ever have. I don't sit down much, and my back is usually killing me from lugging my big guy around. When in public if I put him down, I have to prepared to go on a major chase!
He is still the light of our lives and we love him dearly!

One Way Ticket

2011-02-06T14:40:00.000-08:00

I bought this pretty new bible a few weeks ago. I got it because it's small and can fit in my purse. Now there is NO excuse for me to not carry it to church. And it's pretty.

So as I was sitting in church this morning, I admittedly got distracted and thought I'd write the birth dates and names of my children in the front of my pretty new bible. (Bad, I know...but it's not like I was playing tick-tack-toe or something!) Well, I sat there staring at their birth dates, and found myself not being able to concentrate the rest of the service.

I. Was. Astounded. I guess I've never really sat down and thought about what's been going on in my life. I have had a child born every 2 years, for almost 8 years!!! If I had continued at this rate I would have surely ended up like Michelle Duggar in no time. Here it goes:

Grace: 2004
Lilly: 2006
Thomas: 2008
Connor: 2009, came home 2010

For the last 7 1/2 years I have either been pregnant, nursing, mothering an infant, or been chin-
deep in adoption. Realizing this kind of made me see why I have had a few melt-downs! Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than anything in this world, and I don't regret for a single second when they were born or how close they are in age. They are best friends and I love how well they play together. BUT... every rewarding, precious thing in life comes with lots of work too. My body has been through hell and back. I had VERY difficult pregnancies with my girls, and of course a traumatic early birth with Thomas. There is no telling how many diapers I've changed, tears I've wiped, bedtime stories I've read, and I have picked up toys around the house no less than one million times. And...my children are still just 6, 4 and 1...so I have a lot more to come! I know this is nothing compared to the many mothers out there that have more children than I do, but then again, I can only speak about my life.

So no real point to this post. I am just trying to 'keep it real'. My little world is not perfect. Life is crazy sometimes. We all get exhausted, frustrated, and even scared. This past year of my life has been one of the very best, and the hardest all wrapped into one. To be very honest, most days I am just trying to keep my head above water. I pray my rear-end off and am looking for a 20 foot tall blinking sign to show up in my front yard from the Big Guy, giving me a detailed explanation of what I am supposed to do with my life... (It hasn't shown up yet.) And I know darn well that that's not going to happen. I'm getting a big lesson recently on listening quietly for God's answers. It's funny how when you shut-up for a bit you actually hear something! Through all of these personal hardships, the one thing that has kept my feet on the ground (and me from boarding a plane to Bermuda with a one-way ticket) is my children. I'd walk through fire for them.

I pray that all of you have that something that keeps you from getting on your plane...

I wish I had more of Ethiopia.

2011-02-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

I miss Ethiopia. I really, really do. With the one year anniversary of Connor being home approaching, it's been on my mind so much more. I met a good friend for coffee this morning (I had a coke-I think I'm one of the few moms of young kids around that doesn't like coffee!) and we sat right in front of a shelf of coffee beans, and there it was...another sweet reminder.

I've made a video of Connor, from March 1 (his "gotcha day") til now. But you have to wait until closer to the anniversary date to see that! You will likely need tissues. So, I've been looking back through photos and have found myself getting all sentimental and sappy...something I haven't had TIME to do!

I definitely plan on (please God willing I will be able to afford to) taking all of my children back to Ethiopia by the time they are teenagers. I want Connor to see his birth country (and the girls for that matter). Ethiopia will always be very important to everyone in my family. I was just telling Brandi this morning too, that I'm sure I would have been a much more "grateful" teenager if I'd been to a third world country around that time. We can tell our children all day long that there is extreme poverty around the world, and that we're so blessed to be born in the United States...that there are children starving as we speak so we need to be appreciative of what we have to eat, even when Mama has made a less-than-tasty meal! I wasn't an angel in high school (shocker, I know) and I was wondering this morning if I'd seen children sleeping on the streets, begging for food, and bathing in ditches THEN, if it would have put my priorities in check...hmmm, just a thought to chew on.

I would love to go back myself sooner if given the opportunity to. We spent 3 days in the hospital with Connor, so Brandi and I really didn't get to see what we wanted to of the country. What we WERE able to experience though, was life-changing. Of course seeing the poverty was an extreme shock to my system-even for an adult prepared to see it. (you just can't prepare yourself for that) It's not the despair though that makes me yearn to return though, it's the hope. The people of Ethiopia are beautiful, inside and out. There's is something so different about them than what we see in people here. They are so welcoming, nice, sincere, and real. It didn't seem as if anyone was being "nice" just because they were supposed to. They just were. So many that we met lived very simple lives. I say "simple" in regards to their lack of modern technology...like grounding coffee by hand, washing clothes on a washboard, and walking to your destination instead of driving. It's very relaxing to be in an atmosphere that is absent of all the "stuff". People aren't on cell phones and there is NO rushing around. In fact, we were warned to be very patient when there because people are extremely laid back, which Americans can perceive as being slow. (I admit, we did get a little frustrated when the orphanage director was a few HOURS late picking us up once!) There is a nice pace that we slowly fell into; a pace that seems impossible here at home. On the mornings all 3 of my children go to school, I have to laugh at myself come 10:00... I hit the floor running at 6:30. I have to get 3 children dressed, teeth brushed, hair done (which is a BIG deal when you have two girls with long hair and a son that has hair that takes longer to style than my own), breakfast made, 3 lunches made, and out the door. G and I are usually running down the driveway to catch her bus. I'm sure if there are ever any flies on my wall watching me those mornings, they are laughing their little buns off at this mama who happens NOT to be a morning person try to accomplish all of this so early!

I have tried to bring a little of Ethiopia home with me. I have things in every room of the house that I bought there, like a beautiful hand-painted and carved lamp, flags, neat artifacts, beautiful candle-holders, books, and I have a wall dedicated to the beautiful pictures Brandi took of the countryside while we were there. I want Connor to grow up seeing how proud we are of his birth country. The one thing I couldn't buy and bring back though was the slower pace of life...oh how I wish I could have!

This is why they make these things...

2011-02-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

He looks at me because he KNOWS he's not supposed to mess with these...

and now he gives me the DON'T LOOK AT ME look.

Why is it that my girls never even noticed an outlet, and my son is a walking electrical hazard??? Thank God for child safety precautions. Connor puts them all to the test!

Ethiopian Attire

2011-01-30T18:48:00.000-08:00

SO handsome!

The girls LOVE their Ethiopian dresses!

Kids with their Daddy:)

Today was such a nice day outside, I decided to dress us up in the Ethiopian clothes I bought while there and take some pictures. It went well for about 5 minutes...which is why I have a camera that takes pictures like a machine gun!!!

A Poem to My Connor

2011-01-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

You've been in my heart since I was a child.

God sent me whispers of you.

I knew he had plans much bigger than mine,

and more meaningful than my small world knew.

Our lives were stitched together,

by a thread that has no end.

I was created to be your mother,

before your life would even begin.

You did not grow inside me,

and our skin color is not the same.

But family is not about what we see,

it's the love we share every day.

I am so blessed to be your Mother,

and that God took me on this adoption road.

You are the most loved grandson, son, and brother,

that the world will ever know!

Pajama Day

2011-01-27T08:59:00.000-08:00

My little man was looking super cute in his dinosaur pajamas for pajama day at school today! I do have to say as well...that he is having an excellent hair day too!

In case you're wondering after my recent post begging for help on his hair: it's getting better. Man, to say it's a learning process is an understatement! Some days it's like nothing will tame his locks. Yesterday morning he woke up with the BIGGEST fro you ever did see! When I opened his bedroom door it took me several minutes to get him out of his crib because I was laughing SO hard! He is just so freaking cute it's ridiculous.

Little Photographer

2011-01-26T17:51:00.000-08:00

Lilly had my phone today and took some pictures. Funny to see her point of view...which sadly for her seems to be my butt most of the time!

I promise he can't fall out of this thing! He is such a daredevil!!!

We're obviously at the doctor! Connor had to get some vaccinations.

Two Monkeys

2011-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

These two are like little monkeys. Connor crawls all over L, and she just shoves him out of the way when she doesn't want him there. They are hilarious to watch. Connor thinks L is hilarious, and giggles at her all the time. They "rough-house" like two boys at recess! It's a good thing they are both so tough!!!

I Have A New Blog

2011-01-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

http://365inpictures-sarah.blogspot.com/

So, as if I don't already have enough on my plate, I've started another blog. I've loved taking pictures for a long time now, and like most moms I feel like I take as many as Anne Geddes. It's a fun hobby of mine that I'm trying to better myself in.
There's a cool project out there called the "365 Project". The goal is to take a picture, every day, to post. The idea is to take pictures unlike the majority of them where you're yelling in your high-pitch voice "Say cheese, say cheese honey! I promise you can have the skittles if you just look at me and SMILE!!!". The point is to get out of your comfort zone and take pictures of things you wouldn't normally...like flowers at a supermarket, a friend's incredible array of make-up brushes, and...the dreaded self-portrait. I'm looking for "art" in places that aren't glaringly obvious; hoping to grow a little in my (dare-say) photography skills.

The blog address is above, under my (ugh) self portrait. If you want to grab the blog button for it, just scroll down to the bottom of the 365 blog and it'll be there. Hope you enjoy! Try not to laugh too hard at me when I'm taking pictures of crazy stuff!

A Tub Full Of Love

2011-01-20T19:48:00.000-08:00

There are few things cuter than my baby boy playing in the bathtub. He's in 'his element' when he's in water. I predict swim meets, canoeing, and white water rafting in his future. I just hope he will take his Mama!

Mothering little L is always there to help.

He was mid-ah-ya-ya-indian noise here...too funny!

He is obsessively happy in water but HATES when I wash his hair! It's not the water on the face or shampoo. No, this child is SO freaking tender-headed! So not good when you have an adorable fro that requires a little work every day. I brush his hair out ONLY when it has conditioner in it like above. When I have to add the daily lotion and gel and what-not, I literally have to put him in a scissor-hold to get it done!!!

Yes, I said scissor-hold. I wrestle my one year old...and he almost kicks my butt.

oh my...

2011-01-18T16:47:00.000-08:00

Thank you Dr. King,

2011-01-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

Because if you'd never dreamed the dream, had such fierce courage, fought battles with love, and opened a nation's eyes to the possibility of really seeing a person, and not just the color of their skin, the photograph I took tonight would have been this one below. It would have been of my two beautiful daughters, without the brother God created for them.

But the gift of your life has literally given me the gift of my son. Without you, a white family adopting a child from Africa wouldn't be allowed. We'd be left with a void in our lives; a hole that nothing could fill. God created Connor to be my son, Aaron's son, Grace and Lilly's brother, and a grandson, nephew, and cousin to many. It is how it should be, and I know that God planned our family before Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was even born.

On this day of remembrance, I hope everyone looks around them at the day to day interactions and lives that would be so different if it wasn't for this incredible man. I look at the photograph below, and will be eternally grateful to him that my baby boy is where he should be.

Please go read the blog entry Silas and Olive's dad, Josh, wrote to commemorate this day. It's just plain beautiful.

lips stuck out :(

2011-01-14T10:59:00.000-08:00

After a mean finger prick, and a little girl with lips pouted-out so far she would have tripped over them, the diagnosis was a sinus infection. Amoxicilin, here we come.

His name is tattoed on my heart too.

2011-01-13T17:21:00.000-08:00

Eating Snow

2011-01-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

I made a mom-mistake and forgot to make sure I had vanilla extract for the snow cream. So, we improvised and made chocolate snow cream. I personally didn't like it, but the kids thought it was yummy.

Connor loved his first time eating it!

We also made snow cones!

My Backyard

2011-01-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

A Winter Wonderland

2011-01-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

No fake photoshop-snow here!

We woke up to this beautiful scene this morning.

I laid in bed looking at my backyard. All of the snow glisstening on the trees was breath-taking. Sounds uber-dramatic, but it really was. It's amazing how these wonderful things in nature immediately draw my thoughts to God. What an awesome artist He is.

The girls were chomping at the bits to get out there!

It took at least 45 minutes to get us out the door. I had to:

get the girls in the bathroom one last time
get a fresh diaper on C
put on 16 socks between the 4 of us
8 shirts
6 pants
2 snowsuits
4 coats
4 hats
8 gloves
snowboots

And. We. Made. It.

This was the first time Connor has seen snow!!! I was so excited to see his reaction. At first he toddled (or waddled, he was stuffed full like Ralphy from A Christmas Story) around with a puzzled look on his face. I couldn't decide if he liked it or not...

G gave him a taste.

The cats were not happy campers. I couldn't get a pix of Carlos. He kept running away when I got near him, looking at me like I was responsible for the white mess in the yard.

Grumpy, old Max wanted to stay inside where it's warm.

But my three stooges (Lola, Bezo, and Zoey) have played in it all day!

See the puzzled look on his face?

There's no question as to whether G and L love the snow! But after about an hour these southern girls were done.

It wasn't long until Connor's true feeling about the snow came out.

Hates it.

Once inside, aahhhhh. A happy, warm, munchkin.

And of course what's a day of snow without hot chocoolate?!!

Don't need any words for this cuteness.

2011-01-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

Disgusting!!!!!!!!

2011-01-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

Connor has a very disgusting habit. I'm trying to find a group to get him in to help this addiction, but so far I can't find any PITTA's...

Playing In The Toilet Anonymous!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right. This adorably cute child has a very nasty habit. If a bathroom door isn't shut, he will go in, lift the lid, and splash around. Of course with a 4 and 6 year old in the house it's hard to reinforce the importance of always shutting the bathroom door, so it doesn't always get done...I should also mention that with a 4 and 6 year old in the house toilets aren't always flushed after going. (I know, I'm gagging too.)

Is my child the only one that's fascinated with the porcelain god?

Crazy Snow Dance

2011-01-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

Since I "messed" with the last picture and made snow when there was none, the girls have been begging to do it again. They've been fascinated! I've tried to explain that Mama gets on the computer and the computer can put the snow on the picture, but I swear they think there's some kind of magic involved...and who am I to explain there's not? Oh no, I'll just go on letting my sweet babies think their Mama is Superwoman:)
Before they went to school this morning I told them we could make a snow picture, but this time we should do it OUTSIDE to make it more believable! Since I randomly picked these snowflake dresses from their closet (because I wouldn't dare be so cheesey as to coordinate snowflake dresses with a snowflake pix), I told them we should do it without coats. So my children stood in the front yard freezing their bums, and looking like idiots-reaching up to the sky at imaginary snow falling and twirling around in it. They are totally little actresses; I'm surprised they didn't try to do snow angels in the dirt. I'm sure every car that passed thought we were doing some crazy early morning ritual dance and had likely just cut the head off a chicken or something. Did I mention that I was in a hot pink robe and my fav pajama pants with girly pirate stuff on them??? Yea, we are crazy...but it's fun!

"I Got A Baby In My Belly!"

2011-01-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

(This is just too funny not to write down...this was our conversation in the car on the way home from preschool today.)

L: Mama, I got a baby in my belly today! I felt it growing in there!

Me: Baby, I'm sure you just got a belly ache. You don't have a baby in your belly, you have to be a grown up first before that can happen. (Insert my thought of: Dear God, please don't let my last statement come back to bite me in the a*#.)

L: Yes I do! It's a girl baby and her name is Luceanne.

Me: Well, who is the daddy going to be for little Luceanne?

L: I'm going to pick a 6 year old boy. His name will be Laurika.

Me: Really? That's an interesting name. When is this baby coming?

L: Soon. I can tell because my tummy got bigger today. She's going to crack out.

Me: Crack out?

L: Yea, you know, like an egg. She'll crack out of me. (She was VERY serious.)

Me: Okay....

L: She breathes through my belly button.

Me: Okay....Well, I can't wait to meet Luceanne. (It took an enourmous amount of will power not to laugh at her. She was so serious. It would have hurt her feelings if I did!)

So when we got home she put this ball under her shirt and said, "See? I got a baby in my belly!". I love this kid.

Look how big!

2011-01-05T06:09:00.000-08:00

This is what I see all day long, this sweet little face at my legs, tugging on me to pick him up (Hence the reason for my constant back pain!). Admittedly, you can sometimes find me trying to outrun him or shake him off in order to get a few things done, but I honestly love it. I will really miss this when he gets bigger and isn't begging me to carry him around. He is the ultimate "Mama's Boy", and he has me wrapped around every one of those chubby, brown fingers!

Look how B I G he is!!! He's looking more and more like a "child" instead of a "baby". (Sounds stupid but moms know what I mean!)

It was quite the accomplishment to get him to sit still for these pictures!

And notice his earlobes...they turn out, and are the softest earlobes ever. I could just eat him for breakfast!

Somewhere It's Snowing,

2011-01-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

but it's sure not here. My children have literally prayed for snow this winter. It did snow at our house recently...on Christmas day. Sounds wonderful and nostalgic, right? Well, we weren't here to enjoy it. Figures. They got to experience "spit snow" over the holidays in my hometown. I call it that because it's not really snow, not really rain. It's like Mother Nature is ticked off and is spitting from up above. It was a pretty wimpy display of winter weather so the girls hardly noticed.

Yesterday we got ready to leave the house and it was cold, so the girls decided if they dressed like it was snowing then maybe it would make the white stuff actually fall. Bless their sweet naive hearts:)

I took this picture before we left the house, and did a little touch-up later to make our own darn snow!!!

Pictures That Hurt

2011-01-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

This picture above is of a 23 year old WOMAN, who weighs 37 lbs. Yes, there are no typos there.

This sweet baby is a 4 year old child.

How fast these beautiful girls are having to grow up and become mothers...

These pictures bring me to my knees. They literally make my heart ache. My first reaction is of pain, anger, and complete sadness, that My Connor could have ended up like these children. He could have been one of the children that goes hungry on a daily basis, is painfully ill with no medication, and even becoming a "street child" begging for money with no mother or father to come home to. It makes me sick to think of these possibilities. These children deserve to be loved, taken care of, and cherished. They are children of God, and are no less deserving than every child born to middle class families in America.

I hope these pictures make someone out there reading see the infinite possibilities you can give a child, either through sponsorship or adoption. (But also beware...because your life will be forever changed as well. Your heart will grow and your love multiplied beyond your wildest dreams!) You can find out information on how you can sponsor a child to provide food, medicine, and the chance for an education on Katie's Blog I've linked below, or from the Ordinary Hero button I have on the side of my blog. The Ordinary Hero blog also has pictures of beautiful children in Ethiopia that are "waiting"...waiting for a family to adopt them while they sit in an orphanage. Please check both of these out. Images like these are hard to see, but they are a reality. "When you know better, you do better." We all know now, so we need to do something.

*** These pictures came from Katie's blog. She's a young girl from Brentwood, TN, who went to Uganda on a mission trip and has really devoted her life to helping the children there. PLEASE go read her blog. There are details on each of the children I posted pictures of. Her story will leave you amazed.

Katie's Blog

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve! I celebrated with a small group of close friends that I love dearly. We had lots of food, some drinks, and good music. Fun was had by all!

Felt Like A Brady...

2010-12-29T16:27:00.000-08:00

Yep, today I felt like Carol. I volunteered to keep some friends' kids today while they had other obligations. I had a total of 7 most of the day. We played Wii (and I schooled them on the Just Dance 2 game!), they played outside, and watched a movie. They had a blast, and were all very well-behaved, but I discovered something about myself...I am definitely NOT meant to have 7 kids!!!

Christmas and Family, 2010

2010-12-28T13:35:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how blessed we are with such a wonderful family! It was so special to be able to see everyone. I have a huge family with lots of children running around. I also have three very special little girls that aren't technically related to us, but are in our hearts. I caught myself swelling with pride many times at how accepting my entire family (both sides!) are of these girls. As I've mentioned before, my brother and his fiance' are very involved in their lives...by choice. They are providing them with love, meeting their needs, and giving them experiences they'd otherwise never have. Everyone treats them as if they are their children, and it's obvious how comfortable they are in our environment that's so different than their own. They are so selfless in their actions, and THAT is what Christmas should be all about.

Christmas Morning

2010-12-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

C's loot

G's loot

L's loot

Despite Connor being sick, we had a wonderful Christmas morning. The kids were up at 6:00, waiting to go see what Santa had brought them. It's always the sweetest thing to see them so shocked and bewildered that Santa knew everything they wanted, from the big things, to the tiny gifts in their stockings. They kept asking "But how did he know?". I miss those days of magic:)

Bet no one did THIS today!!!

2010-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

I can pretty much guarantee none of you did...my uncle Reid and I went hunting for our dead relatives' grave sites! (no other polite way to put it!) This wooded area is on the out-skirts of my hometown. My back is already sore from staying in a hunched-over position, to walk under vines, for the most of the 2 hour excursion. It was literally a jungle of fallen-over trees and crazy, twisted vines. (I pushed through one thorny bush that left a nice, sharp thorn in my left butt cheek for most of the journey!) It was a strange, surreal scene to witness...right off the road there's a large circle of woods, that's the home of roughly 2,000 grave sites. The last burial took place in the 1950's, and since this is private owned land, and such a large area to maintain, it was forgotten. It was sad to see all of the knocked-over and broken headstones. We had to scrub away dirt and moss just to see the names. These are relatives of most of whom still live in the area. These once loved ones are no longer visited; they are never graced with the occasional flower or holiday bouquet. I left not understanding how the relatives of these 2,000 souls let it get to this point. To the point where you have to be young and able to wrestle your way through, where you have to go in the dead of winter because in the heat the vines would literally eat you alive (not to mention the bugs and snakes), and where most of the tombstones no longer exist because they have sunk into the earth, or have been smashed into tiny pieces of stone by fallen trees.

We didn't find our Great-Great Grandfather Waldrop; his is likely one of those that has sunk into the earth. BUT, I wouldn't have traded this experience for much else! To refer to a day of walking over 2,000 graves from the 1800's as fun, sounds a bit strange...but I've never been accused of being normal! It was fun! It was definitely something I won't get to experience again, and I am so thankful I got to do it with Reid. His passion for our family's history and genealogy in general is fascinating. I still don't know how he's found out so much information, and from so far back in time, or how he remembers it all! It's because it's important to him. After all, our past is part of our future.

Two children, born to the same mother and father, that both lived to be only two years old. Thank God for vaccinations. We saw so many headstones there that belonged to children.

This one broke my heart.

This one is a relative of ours. A young mother that passed away at age 27.

This one was the most interesting. It's written by hand, seems to be a young girl, and has a small statue that was stuck into the concrete before it dried. It's of 3 Asian men, doing the "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil". I wonder what the significance was???

Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve, we had a family lunch and exchanged presents. Connor and I had just gotten home from the hospital, so he was still not feeling well.

L got some pretty pajamas,

and Connor chewed on his toys.

Mimi took the girls to a local store and let them pick-out a Christmas present for me:) L chose this cute ornament, and G chose this wallet below. Check that out! It's, um, not my style...but it's totally something she would love!

Ignore how beautiful I look. I had slept in a hospital cot the night before and was going on no shower...

Uncle Paul and G, dressed as "the dragon slayer"

Destiny, Maria, Miranda, and G

L told Mimi what we got her from Christmas as soon as we walked in the door, so here she is pretending to be surprised...just to humor me.

Mimi and spider girl

Tricky Ricky

Sweet Gan-Gan

I had really cute Christmas themed outfits packed for them to wear, but these new costumes beat them out. Was going to argue about it, but decided it wasn't worth the fight!

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve!

Twas the night before Christmas...

2010-12-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

The cookies and milk have been perfectly placed,

with much attention to detail, especially taste.

Reindeer food now sprinkles the lawn,

and we know he's getting near, because here come the yawns.

The fireplace is off, so he doesn't burn his tush,

but they're worried about his weight, as they think he'll get smushed.

The stockings are laid out, where he can easily see

and they have promised to sleep soundly, with not even a peek.

Though unusual in nature, Mimi has left him a note,

to please take Max with him, to live in the North Pole!

(footnote: Max is my very annoying, loud mini-dachshund who happens to have a love/hate relationship with Mimi.)